“Didn’t give a fuck,” Toby said, his eyes burning like coals. “You fucked me like I was some guy you met in a bar, and as soon as we were done, you pulled out your phone and invited me out to some gig with some other guy you’d alsofucking slept with!”
Tabby couldn’t talk. Couldn’t think. “I didn’t…”
“I left because I fucking loved you,” he shouted. “Because I knew you were the only girl I’d ever want to marry. I left because I wanted to be the kind of man you saidyouwanted. To be someone you respected?—”
The dam that Tabby had felt building in her chest ever since he’d sent her that text saying he was too fucking busy to see her burst. “I already respected you, you leaking dong!”
“Bullshit. You didn’t see me as a man until I becamethis man.”
“What? A crypto douche?”
“Yes!”
Despite everything, Tabby laughed. “You thought I’d like youmoreif you became a hustle grindset guy?”
Toby lifted his face to the ceiling and roared so loud she was surprised the roof didn’t come off. “You said you wanted someone rich to take care of you! A sugar daddy! Those were yourexact fucking words!”
“Mate,” Tabby said, aghast. “I was drunk!”
“Oh, don’t fucking give me that! You said you wanted someone to take care of you, and you were telling the fucking truth. If you can’t admit that now, that’s your issue.”
“My issue?” she said, pounding a fist into her chest. “My issue is that instead of talking to me, you decided to take to heart some dumb shit I said the morning of an all-night party. Do you have any idea how many illegal substances I had in my blood? So fucking many!”
“You meant it,” Toby bellowed. “You said you wanted?—”
“This is the plot ofShrek!” Tabby screamed. “AndShrek 2! And maybeShrek 3, which I haven’t fucking seen!”
Toby’s forehead scrunched. “What?”
“You misheard me!” she yelled. “You misheard me, and then you ran off with some dumb idea about how ‘Tabby needs me to be rich’ when all I needed was for you not to run off and turn into some uber-cunt to prove a point!”
“Oh, fuck off, Tabitha.” Toby jabbed a thumb into his chest. “I didn’t mishear you. I heard you perfectly and I understood better than you do that you weren’t ever going to take me seriously. And I left because I needed you to take me seriously. Everything I’ve done since that morning, I did for you?—”
“Oh really?” Tabby interrupted. “The queue of bitches by your bed could have fooled me!”
Bright spots appeared on Toby’s cheeks. “Was I supposed to be celibate?”
“You were supposed to be my friend!”
“I didn’t want to be your fucking friend!”
The words reverberated around the foyer like a witch’s curse. Tabby’s chest went tight, her heart falling to the bottom of the world. “Fuck you. You fucking nice guy incel. Fuck you.”
“I’m sorry,” Toby said, his voice going quiet. “Seriously, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I loved being your friend. I just wanted you to be my girlfriend. I wanted you to like me?—”
“I always liked you!” Tabby screamed, her voice echoing like a chorus of cockatoos. “I always cared about you! Itrusted you!”
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking miserable. “But back then, I didn’t think I evencouldhurt you. You barely knew I was alive and?—”
“You were my best friend!” she shouted, her vocal cords tearing with the effort. “You were my best friend, and you fucking left me like everyone else does!”
Toby’s face contracted, his mouth twisting in pain. “Tabby, trust me. Trust that I loved you. I only left because I thought I needed to?—”
“We talked every day! We were soclose,” she yelled, her voice cracking like shattered glass. “Ilovedtalking to you! Ilovedbeing near you! Ilovedhow we were together!”
I loved you, she thought, but she wasn’t stupid enough to say that. Instead, she pounded her chest like an Amazonian. “Ilovedthat I was the one who fucked you first. I was so into what we did together. I wasso. Fucking. Proud!”
She punctuated every word with a blow to her chest, her stupid naked boobs bouncing.
