“No.” Toby’s eyes burned. “Do you know why I wanted your fingerprints on me?”
“I don’t… why?”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
She’d said “no!” before she’d realised she’d said anything at all, and Toby’s face fell. He let go of the sleeve of his stupidly cute t-shirt.
“So, what’s this all been for you?” he asked. “Just sex?”
No.
“Yes!” she shouted. “Wasn’t it like that for you? Isn’t this just some hot, slutty game we’re both enjoying? Does it have to be more than that?”
He ploughed a hand through his hair, making it stick up worse than ever. “I can’t fucking believe this...”
Tabby’s tongue was so thick she could barely talk, but she tried all the same. “Can’t we just go upstairs and?—”
“NO!” Toby’s face contracted in fury. “God-fucking-dammit, Tabby, I’m not some soulless cunt who only wants to use you. Icareabout you. I fuckinglove you.”
“So, let’s go upstairs and hook up!” she said desperately. At this point, she’d take just being held. Caged from the world by Toby’s big, powerful body. “I just need?—”
“Fuck what you think you need,” he bellowed. “Jesus Christ, Noah was right. Thisisself-harm by proxy.”
She staggered backward on her heels. “Don’t say that!”
“It’s true. Fucking hell, I feel like a criminal. I can’t believe I’ve let myself treat you like this.”
“But I liked it!”
Toby shook his head. “It shouldn’t have gone down this way. I wish I’d only ever made love to you. I wish I’d made you see that the only way I’m ever going to be rough with you is because it’s healthy and natural and has nothing to do with you wanting to feel pain.”
“What? So I don’t deserve to get what I want?”
“Of course you do, but?—”
“So, give me what I want, and I’ll feel better!”
“I’m not trying to hold back from you,” he shouted. “I’m trying to be what you need!”
“What I need is to feel better!”
Toby yanked on his hair like he was trying to pull it out. “I can’t fucking talk to you right now.”
“Why?” Tabby demanded. “Because you can’t believe I liked the way things were? You don’t think I can handle it?”
He fixed his burning eyes on hers. “I can’t believe, after all this time, after everything we’ve been through, you’re still trying to treat me like a shitkicker. Expecting me to follow you around, doing whatever you want.”
Tabby felt like she’d been slapped. “What the fuck?”
“Why do you think I left? After we hooked up for that first time, and you took my virginity? Why do you think I left?”
“Because… you didn’t want to be friends anymore? I dunno?”
Toby laughed, the sound bouncing around his foyer so it sounded like ten Tobys were laughing at her.
“Because I knew if I’d stayed, I’d have just been some spare dick you had lying aroundat best. You didn’t notice me. You didn’t see me as a man. You acted like I was your fucking brother until one day you got bored enough to fuck me.”
Tabby felt like she was shrinking, melting down into the marble floor. “I…”
