“That’s not it at all.” I struggle to get the words out. “I just thought that-“
“I couldn’t have had anything bad happen to me because I’m pretty and rich?” She finishes for me. “It’s okay, you aren’t the first to think that, and won’t be the last. ButI have never thought of myself as the type to showcase her wealth…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” She tells me, placing one cold hand on mine. “It comes with the territory.”
Her hands start to shake, but I don’t think it’s from the cold. I think —like me— these kinds of conversations, and opening up to people, is hard for her.
“My parents loved my brother, and I think in a way they loved me too, but that love and attention that I craved so desperately came with a price. My father was… violent. I never told anyone until a couple of months ago when my brother finally witnessed it for himself.”
Her soft voice sends a chill down my spine.
Violent.
Her father hit her.
Claire looks up, staring at the night sky. “It was the first time I felt free.” The dry laugh that comes out of her lips surprises me, “how fucked up is that? My father hurts me so badly I pass out, and I feel free.”
Because you knew it was over, I think.
Whether it was because she thought he was going to kill her, or because she knew someone finally saw what was happening and could pull her out, it was going to be over.
Either way, the abuse was going to end.
“It’s easy for people to judge when they don’t know the truth,” I tell her, “when everyone else thinks they’ve got you figured out, they miss the signs.”
Like I missed them with Nathan.
Claire’s hand grips mine tighter, “you’re very smart, Sasha Price.”
I shrug.
“You are, and I think it’s about time you start givingyourself some credit. You see a lot more than people think you do, you see people for who they really are, not the person they choose to show the world.”
My eyes start to sting, “I didn’t see Nathan for who he really was.”
Claire shakes her head, “you saw him for the boy you knew. He changed, he made a choice, that isn’t on you, Sasha.”
For a second, I turn away, hiding my face and watching the world around me. It seems like I’m the only thing stuck in time, forever frozen while everything else moves on.
“At some point, you’re going to have to forgive yourself. You’re the only person who can.”
I turn back to her, “do you think the guys are actually as understanding as you are? They’re pretty protective of you. I don’t think they take what happened lightly.”
She thinks about that for a second, her brown hair blowing lightly in the breeze. “I don’t think they can judge you for what happened, they made their own mistakes…”
“What do you mean?”
She laughs, “ironically enough, it’s how Lucas and I got together. That night —at the party— I made a move on him, he didn’t react well and Nathan came swooping in to make me feel better. Everything happened, and the boys thought I slept with him to get back at Lucas, they had no idea what really happened. When they finally found out, it was when I confronted Nathan at the game, and then they did everything they could to make it up to me.”
So they found out along with everyone else. Her friends turned their backs on her, and she somehow found it within herself to forgive them.
“It took a little while, but eventually Lucas and I sorted out our shit, and we’ve been together ever since.” She lookstowards Steph and waves her over, “life is messy, Sasha. It’s not always going to be cut and dry, but you can trust that we’re all here to stay. We’ve all done stupid things, but nothing can change the fact that we love each other.”
The way she talks about them is beautiful. To her, they aren’t just friends, they’re family. She found a home in people who would do anything for her, and even though I’m still adjusting to this little group, I can relate.
These people, they’re special.
