My face falls into my hands, trying to save whatever pride I have left.
“Sasha, it’s okay,” Steph tries to soothe.
But is it? I was talking to him about J, opening up to him about my grief and he already knew about the accident. The one time I actually opened myself up and he already knew.
I want to feel betrayed, I want to feel angry, but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to be upset with any of them because at the end of the day, they were giving me the choice to talk about it when I was ready.
Jurian’s death was headlining news for weeks, his face was plastered across every social media post. The hockey world is small, and I knew that, I knew that everyone would know.
Looking around at all the people I’ve grown to know, I realize that they are all about choice. They give each other space to come forward when they’re ready, to talk about it when the time is right, not to feel pressured.
Nathan was never about choice. Sure, he masked it to look like choice, but at the end of the day, it was always what he wanted. We always went to the bars he wanted to, always watched his movies… whatever it was, he would push until he got what he wanted.
Just like he did with Claire.
“I’m sorry, Sash,” Claire says quietly.
Johnny leans in close, pulling my hands from my face and forcing me to look at him, “this doesn’t change anything.”
It will when you find out why he died in that car.
They don’t know the whole truth.
Run.
Run.
Run.
“I know,” I lie, “I just thought you guys didn’t know.”
Miller places a hand on my shoulder, tears hanging in his eyes as he speaks. “Davis is right, it changes nothing. We’re here for you if you ever want to talk about him.”
“He was a good guy,” Blair offers, “vicious on the ice but kind as hell the second we took off our helmets.”
My heart hurts.
fifteen
DAVIS
I watch Sasha, sound asleep in my bed next to me, wrapped up in my blankets, wearing my t-shirt.
The girl was built to be noticed. Everything about her screams attention, her tattoos, her light grey eyes, her bone structure…she was made to be admired and yet the world somehow forgot to make everyone else notice.
Not only is she the most gorgeous girl to walk this earth, but she’s also kind, and soft, and has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.
There are walls around this girl, built high from years of being forced into the shadows, but I’m determined to knock them down.
There’s an invisible string tying us together.
I can feel it every time my heart beats.
“You’re staring at me again,” she mumbles sleepily.
“Yeah, well, I can’t sleep,” I tell her.
She blinks her eyes open, “something on your mind?”
