I mean, I knew her brother played hockey, it was all anyone could talk about after the whole Nathan incident at the arena a couple months ago… but I had no idea just how good he was.
He’s dominating the ice.
Claire smiles sadly at me, and my heart breaks for her. “I’m sorry,” I say, kicking myself for projecting my own life onto her.
I had a brother who overshadowed me in every sense of the word. I was always second place to him, no matter what I did, and just because that’s how I grew up doesn’t mean that’s how she did.
“Why are you apologizing?” She asks, genuine curiosity coating every word.
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I want to know what you meant.” Her eyes bore into mine, but not in an accusatory way, more like she knows what I’m about to say before I say it.
Shrugging, I scratch at my forearm, seeking comfort in the tattoos that make up most of my skin. “My brother played hockey too,” the words tear themselves out of my throat, but I keep going because I need to learn that it’sokay to talk about him. “We were always close, he never treated me like I was lesser than, but that didn’t stop others from doing it.”
Johnny places his hand on the small of my back, rubbing small circles, reassuring me in the tiniest of ways.
“I was always the second sibling. I guess I just figured things were the same for you. Having a big, famous brother might seem fun from the outside, but when you peel back the layers and look at it for what it really is… it’s sad.”
Claire climbs off of Lucas’s lap, and as she crouches down in front of me, I feel panic starting to crawl up my throat.
But I take a second to look at her, and I meanreallylook at her. Her bright blue eyes are stunning, but I see the same thing in her that I saw in J, that I see in Johnny.
It’s hurt.
The freckles that lay across her cheeks are like little kisses, but as they scatter up towards her brow, I notice they seem almost out of place.
Without being able to stop myself, I press my thumb to her temple, tracing a faint scar that faded over time.
She takes in a sharp breath, closing her eyes before opening them again and smiling. “You are not the second anything, Sasha. In fact, in this group, you’re the first.”
“What?”
“No one ever caught that detail without me having to explain it to them, my relationship with my brother, I mean.”
Oh.
“So no, Sasha, you are not the second-place sibling. You two were wonderfully unique in your own ways, I’m sure there are things he envied about you, things he could never do and wondered how they came to you sonaturally. I know he’s looking down on you with nothing but pride.”
Everything pauses just then, my body goes numb and I stop seeing anything but the girl in front of me. “You know?”
Claire licks her lips, staying silent to allow me to process this at my own pace.
It takes fifteen seconds.
Fifteen seconds of silence in the room.
Fifteen seconds of my heart thundering in my chest.
Fifteen seconds of my mind whirling.
“You all know?” I rasp.
Lucas is the first one to speak, “yeah. We all know.”
Jesus Christ, I can’t breathe.
Why can’t I breathe?
