“Of course.” My voice is raspy, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
Sasha hops off the bed and takes a couple steps over to the large bay window next to her. It’s covered in pillows and blankets, looking out to the world beyond.
“Sometimes I just sit here for hours and watch the world go by around me.” I take a seat next to where she’s positioned herself, close enough to touch her, but not close enough to scare her. “I used to daydream about what I could do if I had the courage to go out there and fight for what I want.” Her hands pull the blanket up over her legs, playing with the soft fibres as she speaks, “I was always so hopeful as a kid.”
More silence fills the room, and we just stare into one another’s eyes until some sort of insanity takes over me and I start to lean in.
Her eyes flit down to my lips, and as I’m a breath away from getting everything I’ve wanted, a female’s voice calls out from down the hall. “Is that you, Sash?”
Sasha startles and pulls away, letting loose a breath as she scrambles to get some distance just before an older woman walks into her room.
She startles for a moment before composing herself and smiling in my direction, “sorry! I didn’t realize we had company.” She’s on the shorter side, with deep dimples on both sides of her cheeks, and I instantly know it’s Sasha’s mother. I recognize her from the photos.
I’m also thankful that God didn’t bless Sasha with the same dimples, because lord knows if she did… I’d be even more fucked than I already am.
But as the shock of being interrupted wears off, I’m left with the feeling of disappointment. It felt like Sasha was going to let me kiss her, like she wanted it to happen.
But I must have been seeing what I wanted to see, cause we’re just friends…
Right?
“Sorry, I should have texted you ahead of time,” Sasha winces, “it kind of just happened.”
Her mother waves a hand, dismissing her daughter’s apology. “It’s completely fine, my love, just a surprise is all.”
I glance at my Little Pixie, expecting her to introduce me to her mother, but she stays silent, and I take it upon myself to introduce myself. “Johnny Davis,” I announce, standing up and reaching out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Rebecca.” She takes my hand, shaking it once before dropping it and turning towards her daughter, “is this-“
I see Sasha shaking her head out of the corner of my eye, a light blush tinting her cheeks before turning away and looking out the window.
A knowing look crosses Rebecca’s eyes, and I can’t help but wonder if she knows all about who I am already. “Well,it’s nice to meet you, Johnny. Let me know if you guys need anything, I’ll be down the hall.”
Cold wind bites at my bare skin, grounding me and slowing down the thoughts racing through my head.
Everyone else is inside, preoccupied with whatever the hell they’re doing, while I try to sort through today. I mean, we almost fucking kissed. We were so close, and everything I thought about Sasha changed in that one second. Maybe there’s a little more to the story than I thought. I mean, for months now I’ve thought I was the only one with feelings, but from the way she was looking at me, I feel like that might not be true.
I’ve never been this confused by someone, it’s like a case of whiplash every time I see her. Between fighting my own feelings for her, trying to hide them, trying to read her, and now questioning what her true feelings for me are… my head is spinning to say the least.
“You’re gonna get sick, sitting in the cold like this,” Claire says, plopping down on the deck next to me. She’s wrapped tightly in a blanket, covering herself as much as possible to try and hide from the wind.
I try to smile, but it’s half-assed at best. I don’t need to pretend around her, so the facade that I tend to put up doesn’t seem all that necessary right now.
“Just needed to think for a while,” I tell her honestly.
She’s basically the only person I can really talk to. I know she won’t judge me, and I know she won’t startacting differently just because I’m a little fucked in the head.
“Care to share?” Her voice is soft, offering me the choice of talking if I want to, if I need to.
I shrug, trying to figure out how to put my thoughts into words. “I don’t know how to read Sasha, it’s like all these walls are up and she doesn’t want to let me in.”
Claire rests her head on my shoulder, “she probablydoesn’t.”
Ouch.
“It sucks to hear, but she has her reasons. Anyone putting walls up always do.”
The wind whips through the air like a sharp knife, sending a chill bone deep through my whole body. Claire opens an arm, offering some of her blanket to me, and I graciously accept.
