My mother walks over, taking the seat across from me as she places a gentle hand on my leg. “You only ever use that thing when something’s bothering you,” she pauses for a moment, “you’ve been listening to it a lot lately.”
She knows about Nathan, and the horrible thing he’s done, but she doesn’t know about Johnny. I’ve kept him hidden away, scared that if I tell someone about him, it’ll ruin whatever we have with each other.
But that makes me just as bad as Nathan.
“I have a new friend,” I tell her quietly. “He’s sweet, and he introduced me to his friends yesterday.”
Her eyes brighten, “wanna tell me about him?”
And because of that light that shines when she can seethe old me, I do. I tell her all about him. It comes out of my mouth like word-vomit, finally being able to tell someone about him is like a weight off my shoulders.
Johnny Davis is more than he lets on. Sure, he’s goofy and flirts like his life depends on it, but he’s got a side to him that I feel like a lot of people don’t get to see. The side that I got to see as he comforted me in his bedroom.
I haven’t had a moment like this with my mom in a really long time. The kind where I feel like a little girl again, the kind where my mom just listens to me ramble on and on about something.
“He sounds great, Sash, but I think you left out one little detail.”
“What’s that?” I ask, watching her walk out of my bedroom.
A knowing smile crosses her face, “he’s much more than a friend my dear. We both know it.”
I go back to staring out my window, brushing off my mother’s statement because I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never have the courage to tell Johnny how I feel.
My phone buzzes next to me, and when I look down, I feel my heart start to race.
Johnny-Boy
Hey Pixie, what ya doin’ tonight?
I’m afraid to ask, but… why?
Well, the roommates and I are having a bunch of people over, and I figured you’d rather spend the night with yours truly than whatever else you have going on
Oh, so you think that you’re more important than any other plans I might have?
Duh
I’ll pick you up at 8?
It’s okay! I’ll just meet you at your place :)
The thought of getting into a car makes me want to cry, I haven’t been in one since shortly after the accident, and I’m sure as hell not gonna let the first time be with the boy I like.
He’s sweet for offering though.
My mom tried to get me in the car a couple of weeks after the accident, but as soon as my hand touched the handle… everything began to tilt on its side. My heart started to race, the world started to fade at the edges, and this kind of unshakable fear wormed its way into my heart.
I was shaken up for hours, and I cried until I was so tired I passed out.
God, I am so fucked.
When I make it to the house, Lucas is sitting on the front doorstep with a bottle of beer in his hand. His dirty blonde hair is pushed back, and his brown eyes stare up at me as I walk up the driveway. He looks like he’s about to blow a gasket, so I edge around him, avoiding pissing him off any further.
“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” he says in a huff.
My feet stop just short of the door. I peer in through the window to see Blair, Johnny, and Claire messing around in the living room. I can barely hear their laughs, but I see Johnny throw Claire over his shoulder. My heart sinks, and all those feelings of resentment towards Claire seep into my heart like a poison.
Sighing, I take a seat next to Lucas. “Thanks for the heads up.”
