But he didn’t.
He texted me every single day, with pictures of him and his friends, stupid jokes about our professors, and updates on his life.
I ate up every piece of information he was willing to offer. I was like a starved woman.
Getting to know him made me realize just how much I’ve been missing out on for all these years. And seeing how loving his friends are —how they act like a family— showed me that the few friends I did have weren’t real friends.
Two years ago
“Chug! Chug! Chug!”
The boys from the hockey team sit in my living room, drinking enough beer to intoxicate a small village, and destroying my apartment.
Jurian and Nathan both asked before inviting them over, but when they said it was gonna be a few of the guys, I didn’t expect the whole team to show up.
I risked going out there to get my laptop from the kitchen so I could attempt to get some school work done, but all I got inreturn were questioning glances and a beer can to the back of the head.
When I got halfway down the hall, a few steps away from my room, I heard one of them ask Nathan who I was… his response was a simple, ‘oh, that’s Jurian’s sister’.
Not his best friend.
That one hurt.
But it’s almost midnight, and I have a lecture at eight…
So I text Nathan, asking him to come to my room for a second.
A couple of minutes later, he peeks his head in through the door, his green eyes glassy from the beer, “what’s up?”
“How much longer do you think the guys are gonna be over?” I ask, trying not to sound too judgmental.
He gives me a half shrug, “not sure.”
“Do you think you can wrap it up soon? Or go to a bar?” I offer. “I have an early class.”
“Yeah, I’m sure I can figure something out.” He starts to close the door before he turns back around, “J went to Jessies by the way, said he’s staying the night.”
An hour later, and I’m wide awake in bed listening to them yell, all hope of sleep going out the window… and I can’t even text my brother for help.
Ian was always kind to me, but we were never close enough to really know anything about one another besides the superficial stuff.
And Nathan… well, he was a real friend. Except we were never the same way in public as we were in private. He never hid our friendship, but it was like he was trying to distance himself when other people were around. Like he didn’t want people to know just how close we were.
Maybe he wasn’t as good a friend as I thought. I never had anyone else to compare him to, but now…
I want to get to know the rest of them, become a part of what they have with each other. I want to be a part of their family.
Claire seems nice, but despite everything I’ve seen and heard about her, I can’t help but feel like there’s something more between her and Johnny.
They understand each other, and that bothers me.
She knows more about him than I do, and even though I know she’s with Lucas, I feel like there’s a part of him that wishes she was with him instead.
Being in the friend-zone fucking sucks.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my mom peek her head into my room, “I’m thinking of takeout for dinner tonight, thoughts?”
Shaking my head, I turn back to my window. Taking the headphones out of my ears and pulling my knees into my chest to make space for her, knowing she’s going to fill the space in front of me
