Despite wanting to watch how the rest of this plays out, I decide that making sure Sasha isn’t scarred for life is more important. So while my friends are distracted, I tap her shoulder and motion for her to follow me. We get all the way up to my room before I notice how truly upset she is.
Her fingers run through her hair over and over again, and she starts to scratch at her wrist like she did the morning after that party.
It starts to turn bright red, and rather than pull out a sarcastic —yet funny— remark, I take a hesitant step towards her and keep my voice soft, “what’s going on, Pixie?”
“Why do you keep calling me that?” She yells, hands fisted at her sides.
Well, okay then.
I smile at her softly, “because every time I see you on campus, you’re always darting to your next class.”And because your face is so otherworldly, I don’t have a better word to describe it.
“Now,” I say, sitting on my bed and patting the spotnext to me. “I know that’s not what’s really bothering you, so if you’re done ripping my head off, would you like to talk about what’s going on?”
Please open up to me. Let me help you.
Sasha sighs, taking the seat next to me. The stress is radiating off of her, I can feel it even as she starts to calm down.
My fingers itch to comfort her, rub circles on her back, but I know I need to keep my distance for now. This one scares easily.
“They remember me,” she whispers. When I look at her confused, she continues. “People don’t tend to remember me, so when they did —and only because of something so… gross— it felt like some sort of sick joke. I felt like the butt of the joke.”
Still not following.
She sees that I’m lost and flops down on the bed, hair fanning out around her. “Your friends don’t like me.”
I can’t help but laugh at how utterly ridiculous that is. Lying down next to her, propping my head up so I can look her in those captivating eyes, I smile. “They like you, probably a little too much if you ask me.”
“What are you talking about?” she groans, “all they did was stare at me, make jokes, or ignore me completely.”
I give her a look, “exactly. My friends were being themselves, if they didn’t like you, they’d wave hello and go right back to what they were doing.”
A small smile peeks out, and pride ripples through me when I see it. “Really?”
“Really.” I grab her hand, hoping she doesn’t find it weird or something, “they know you’re important to me, and thus you’re automatically important to them.” She looks up into my eyes, staring at me until I finallybreak the trance because one second longer and I would kiss her. “Ready to work?” I ask, sitting back up and rummaging through my bag.
“Yeah,” she says quietly, like her thoughts are preoccupied with something else.
seven
SASHA
The wind floats through my bay window, playing with my curtains and nipping at my skin. Jurian’s iPod rests in my hand, the headphones plugged into my ears while I try to distract myself.
I haven’t been able to get my mind off the other day, how easily Johnny comforted me, how much he cared. That little nickname he has for me is strange, but I like it.
It makes me feel special.
Hemakes me feel special.
But I know it’s probably not special in the way that I want it to be. Every time he gets close, my heart beats faster and my palms get all clammy.
I try so hard to keep my emotions in check, so hard to keep him from knowing I’m falling in love with him. In love with the way he smiles at me, the way he makes jokes and takes life one step after another, the way he runs his fingers through his hair.
When he flirts with me, I try not to get myhopes up. I know he only sees us as friends, but when he asked me to go back to his place with that stupid goofy smile… I couldn’t help but feel like it was something more.
It’s weird, pretending to be friends with someone when all you want to do is kiss them until the rest of the world disappears.
Part of me didn’t actually believe that he wanted to be friends. I thought for sure he’d move on and forget about me, or see the parts of me that I hate and go running for the hills before my fucked up life could infect his perfect one.
