Sasha stands, gripping her hair at the roots and pacing around the grass. “So this entire time, I was walking around like an idiot, telling you all these things after you’d been watching me for months? I thought you had no idea who I was, fuck I feel like such an idiot right now.”
“Calm down.” I scramble to my knees and try to grab her hand. “Sasha, it’s okay, it’s all okay.”
“No!” She snaps. “I- I can’t believe this entire time I thought you had no idea who I was, I’ve been so hopelessly in love with you for years, and you just saw me as this girl who was falling apart.”
Oh my god, she’s spiralling.
How do I fix this?
“You’re my light switch!” I yell, frustrated and scared.
A startled laugh escapes her lips, “what?”
I sigh, unsure of how to explain it to her without sounding crazy. “It’s like-fuck.When the light switch is off, I feel nothing but emptiness, like the world is crushing my lungs and there’s no escape… but when it’s on, I let everything roll off my back, I’m untouchable, I’m happy. You keep the light switch on, you make everything else fade away. You make me feel like I can breathe for the first time in years.”
“Do you mean that?” Sheasks.
I don’t answer, I’m scared to tell her I do, and then watch her walk away anyway.
“Do. You. Mean. That?” She repeats, punctuating every word.
I stare into her eyes. “Yes. You aren’t just some girl who I watched fall apart after her brother died. I’ve spent the last four years loving you too. All I’ve wanted was for you to love me back, and then I finally got you, and I went and fucked it all up.”
She runs up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me tight. It takes me a second, but I wrap my arms around her waist and let myself enjoy this moment.
“I love you, Johnny, but I’m scared you’re going to hurt me again.”
“I’m never going to make another mistake like that. I need you, Pixie, I can’t lose you.”
She pushes me back, placing both hands on my chest before gripping my shirt and pulling me in for a kiss. Her lips are soft against mine, and I realize just then how much I missed having her around.
I missed having her close, smelling her shampoo and feeling her hands on me.
There’s two more heartbeats before she pulls away, breathing heavily. She looks up at me, her grey eyes boring into mine with a type of heat I’ve never seen in her before. “Don’t make me regret giving you another shot.”
I chuckle, “you know… if I hadn’t gotten into that stupid ass car accident, we were gonna do this big musical number where I sing to you in the arena.”
Sasha smirks, “it totally would have worked.”
“Can you tell Lucas that? He said I was copying him, can you believe it? Mine was going to be way better.”
epilogue
SASHA
“Mom! If you don’t hurry up, we’re going to be late!” I yell from the front entryway.
My dad grabs the keys off the counter, but I take them out of his hands and toss them in the air, catching them with a huge grin on my face. “I’m driving today.”
He smiles back, “I feel like we should finally get you a new car, you keep stealing mine.”
I’m finally back to where I was before the accident, not quite the same, but close enough. I’ve been changed, for better and worse, by the experiences I’ve lived this last year.
My dad may act irritated, but I know he’s happy that I’m finally moving past everything that happened with Jurian. It took a while, but I’m not afraid anymore, and I’m finally happy.
I have people who care for me, who love me more than anything, and for right now… that’s all I need.
Mom comes running down the hall, “sorry, sorry. I’m coming, but aren’t we still waiting for Johnny?”
