“You guys know that you don’t have to do all this right?” I ask. “I appreciate you for trying to make things better and I understand you’re trying to prove to me that you’re really sorry… but I just want my friends back. I want everything to be exactly how it was before I left.”
Lucas walks in from the backyard, drenched in sweat and looking like he just walked off the set of a god damn photo shoot or something. He throws on a shirt as he walks towards me, “you do have your friends back.”
My heart constricts, I want him, IknowI do. He’s a beautiful disaster, one that makes my heart hurt, but also one that makes me want the world to fade away until it’s just him and I.
“Don’t go thinking we’re gonna to tip-toe around your ass” Lucas smiles, walking up behind me. His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me close to him so he can whisper in my ear, “noteverythingwill be the same as it was…”
He doesn’t need to say anything else, I know he’s talking about us. He made it very clear that he has feelings for me, but how am I supposed to know they’re real? How am I supposed to know if it’s the guilt driving his emotions? I need to know for sure before I make the leap.
Davis and Blair start gagging, clearly disgusted by Lucas’s public display of affection. I flip them off before grabbing Lucas’s arm and removing it from me… it takes everything I have not to melt into him. “I’m not going to make it that easy on you St. James… you have so much grovelling to do.”
* * *
Steph’s been sitting in my passenger seat absolutely silent after throwing the biggest temper tantrum known to man. We got lunch together and I told her that we were going to go back to my place instead of hers. She hasn’t spoken to August yet, and I know it’s slowly killing him.
“Alright, let’s go” I say, unbuckling my seat belt and reaching for the door handle.
She looks at me suspiciously, “you aren’t going to tell me to behave myself, or to play nice?”
“Nope.” I shake my head, “do whatever you have to. I’ll be watching and enjoying the show.”
She nods her head and follow me in. The second we step through the front door she’s making a beline towards the living room where the boys are sitting. I grab a seat on the kitchen counter, crossing my legs and leaning back on my arms. She starts it off with a string of curses, screaming at them about what shitty friends they are. The fear in their eyes is enough to make me cough over a laugh, they’re so scared of this girl, it’s hilarious.
“And you…” she turns to face August. “I swear to god I’m going to kick your ass. What the hell were you thinking? You should have spoken to her, to me, fucking anyone other than your idiot friend who can’t tell his ass from his head. If you ever do anything to hurt her ever again —even if it’s unintentional— I will make you feel every ounce of pain this world has to offer.”
Oh how I love to see six-foot hockey players terrified of a five-foot-five, tiny, blonde girl. A tiny blonde girl who I love more than anything on this planet.
“Does this mean we’re talking again?” The hope in Augusts voice is almost painful to hear.
Steph looks to me, and I nod. She doesn’t need my permission, but she won’t consider being with him if it’s going to hurt me. August fucked up, he knows that… but he doesn’t deserve to lose Steph.
Her smile is soft, a silent thank you for letting her follow her heart. She’d deny it, but she’s been missing him too. She turns back to face him and nods her head, and the relief that washes over him is adorable.
I think that she might let Lucas get out of this with minimal damage, but that all changes the moment she walks up to him and gets in his face, “I will end you St. James. I will stomp all over you and never let you get up if youeverlet some petty bullshit come in between my best friend and her safety ever again. I will rain hell fire down on you and I promise youwillbe sorry.”
“Yes ma’am” he says shakily.
* * *
The night I confronted Nathan, Tony and I didn’t have a proper conversation, but I don’t think I can avoid it for much longer. He’s been giving me space to sort through my thoughts, but when I pull up to the rink and he’s waiting by the doors for me, I realize that my time is up.
Why do I feel like a child about to get grounded?
“In my office… now” he says.
I follow closely behind him, keeping my head down as we walk through the arena. He closes the door behind me, and starts to pace around the room. “You know better than anyone that I brush things off as if it’s nothing. This is nothing… the boys know they fucked up but I promise it’s okay” I say, breaking the crushing silence.
“That’s exactly why I’m worried Claire, you brush everything off like it’s nothing. Well,this isn’t nothing. The people I expected to protect you and keep you safe, failed. They let one of the worst things imaginable happen to you and you had to suffer through it all alone. You may brush it off, but deep down I know it’s killing you inside.” He runs his fingers through his silver hair and pulls, “I’ve known you since you were five years old, a god damnchild. I see the way things hurt you but you put up this mask to keep others happy, to keep everyone else guilt free while you die inside. I’m sick of it, I hate seeing you pretend all the time.”
I break down into tears, and he pulls me into a hug so tight I can barely breathe, but I need this. I need him —out of all people— to tell me that I’m going to be okay.
“Why didn’t you tell me about your parents? Why was Chris the one to tell me after all these years? I could have helped you.”
My muscles freeze, everything inside me goes cold knowing that I forgot to tell him. “I’m so sorry” I sob. “I was going to tell you, I swear, but I didn’t know how to tell anyone, I didn’t know what was happening until it was too late.”
“Sweet girl” he says, pulling my head into his chest. “I’m always here for you.”
“But you were gone, Chris was happy, everyone was happy and I didn’t want to ruin it.”
