“But what about all the girls you bring home? Won’t they be disappointed?” Her smile is gentle, and I can see her spark starting to come back, but she still refuses to look at me.
The question stings though, I never thought that she’d think of me that way, even though she’d be completely justified. I was a sleaze bag these last couple years, but things have changed since she showed up. “Have you seen me bring home a single girl since you got here?”
She shakes her head no, “I just figured it was cause you were scared of being cockblocked.”
“It was like that at first,” I shrug, “but eventually I lost interest in bringing girls home because no one interested me.” My fingers drift up to her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze, “because I really am falling for you. Everyone else pales in comparison, I didn’t realize it then, but somehow my body already knew you were the one for me.”
thirty-four
CLAIRE
It’s weird to think about how everything can change so quickly in life.
Your friends can turn their backs on you and come back in the same breath, your parents can hurt you and then tell you they love you, your choice at an intersection can be the reason you live or die. Things aren’t guaranteed, you never know what’s going to happen next, you never know who’s going to walk around the corner, or how they’ll change your life.
These boys, have all changed me in one way or another. I don’t know whether or not they’ll be in my life forever… but I sure as hell hope they’re around for the good stuff. I want them here, with me, for every life-changing moment.
I believe the things we deserve are based on what we’ve done… how we’ve lived our lives is what guides the future. I see it in other people, I see it in the way that good people are given good things, theydeservegood things.
It’s been hard to think about what I could have possibly done to deserve the life I have, and I’m not talking about the money and privilege I’ve been given. I’m talking about the way I’ve been treated by almost everyone I’ve ever known, and the things that I’ve had to go through.
But today I realized that every negative piece to my puzzle, has lead me to something good.
It’s like a domino effect, my parents abuse and torment lead me to Texas to follow Tony and Chris. Being so closed off lead Tony to ask me to help coach his team and move in with the guys. The guys have given me a family, a home to call my own… and then there’s Lucas.
Lucas was a part of the bad stuff for a second, but if I’ve learned anything over these last few months, it’s that he never ceases to surprise me. He has a good heart, and I know that he’ll eventually crack through my shell. He’ll have my heart again one day… I’m just not sure whether or not I’m willing to give it up just yet.
It’s bruised and battered, covered in band-aids and tape. It’s holding on for dear life, waiting for the day that someone heals it.
The gentle breeze blows my curtains, and light pours into my room as I lay underneath my sheets, hiding from the world yet again, terrified of everything that comes now.
A little part of me is screaming to be let out, the part of me that wants to stay bitter and angry with the guys for what they did, but I can’t. I know what it feels like to have someone be angry with you, to hold something against you. My parents did that, they did it my whole life. I can’t be like them though, I can’t do that to another human being. People deserve better than that, people deserve to have chances and be forgiven for their mistakes.
The fire alarm starts going off, and any hope for a calm morning in bed disappears. I groan before running down the stairs, “what the hell is going on down here?” Davis waves a cloth in front of the fire alarm, while Blair is opening up the back door to air out the smoke. The pan on the stove is covered in dark ash, and I laugh at the pathetic mess.
“I was trying to make you breakfast, but I guess we see how that turned out” Davis shrugs.
“And why were you trying to make me breakfast?”
August rolls his eyes, “he was trying to do something nice, something to make up for these past weeks.”
I walk up to Davis, placing my hand on his shoulder and pulling him in for a hug. No one, and I mean no one, has ever tried to make up for something they’ve done to me before. I’ve heard empty apologies and seen fake tears of remorse, but no ones ever actually tried to prove to me that they’re sorry.
I know deep down that breakfast isn’t the key to fixing this whole mess, but the only one who has anything to make up for, is Lucas. Sure none of the others stuck up for me, and they didn’t try to call to get my side of the story… but I don’t blame them. When your best friend of years tells you something, you’re inclined to believe them.
If it was Steph, I would believe her in a heartbeat.
“Thank you” I say quietly, breaking the hug.
Blair walks over to me with his hands behind his back, “I also have something to give you” he smiles.
I can smell them, he doesn’t even have to tell me what it is. I close my eyes as the scent of fresh flowers fills my nose, and a wide smile comes across my face. “How’d you know” I ask, opening my eyes again.
He hands me the baby’s breath, “I asked Steph, she was reluctant to tell me but I annoyed her until she broke” he chuckles.
Baby’s breath holds a special place in my heart, they were my safe place. There was this field behind my house, hidden away behind a wall of trees, covered in flowers. I used to play there when I was little, and eventually it became my safe place. I would go there and lay in the flowers until it was dark. I loved the idea of being so free, being able to hide when things got rough at home.
Steph knows the story behind my love for them, but what she doesn’t know is why they became my safe place… I guess I should share that little detail with her now.
