“If anythingyoushould be the one angry withus” August whispers, placing his head in his hands.
August's words hit me hard, and I start to wonderwhyshe isn’t angry with any of us. She has every right to be, after everything we’ve done –everythingI’vedone– she should be ripping us apart… and the fact that she isn’t just pisses me off. I stand up and explode, “why aren’t you angry? You should be screaming and yelling at all of us.”
Claire shrinks into herself, “I don’t want to be angry with any of you.”
I get closer to her, leaning in a few inches away from her face, “but you have every right to be!” I yell. “I don’t understand why you aren’t losing your shit on us, making us feel like garbage.”
The anger in my voice isn’t for her, it’s for me. I’m angry at myself for letting any of this happen, I need her to be angry with me, because if she isn’t then it means I’m not worth being angry with.
“You want me to yell?” She screams, bashing a fist on my chest.
Yes, hit me pretty girl. Make me hurt.
“You want me to do this?” Tears of anger flow down her cheeks as she continues to hit me, pushing me farther and farther away. “I hate you,IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou” she sobs. “Fuck you, I fucking hate you. You didn’t listen, you refused to listen to me. Fuck you.”
She stops hitting me, she just stops while she sobs in front of us. I make an attempt to hug her and she lets me, and for the first time in a long time, I feel tears of my own start to flow as I listen to her cries.
“You didn’t listen to me, I needed you and you guys just shut me out.” She slowly falls to the floor, and I follow her, still wrapping her in my arms. When we finally make it to the ground the guys run over to sit with us.
My fucking heart hurts, she’s in so much pain… she’s in so much pain becausewetossed her aside.
“I would have at least heard you out. I would have listened to what you had to say. All I wanted was for my friends to hug me and tell me everything was going to be alright… and instead I got yelled at and mocked, I had to face it all by myself. I hate you all.” Her cries of pain make me want to crawl into a hole and never leave.
Miller is crying, August and Davis are trying to hold back their tears, and Blair is looking at me, basically begging me to make it stop.
“I am so fucking sorry, I feel so fucking awful. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you, I’m sorry I assumed the worst and cast you aside like you were nothing. Please pretty girl, I need to know what I can do to make this better.” I plead with her.
“Claire I don’t even know what to say, we are the worst friends ever. We’re assholes and douche bags and any other term you can think of. I can’t believe we did that to you, I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of this.” Miller sobs.
Her touch is soft as she places a hand on his face, forcing him to look at her. “Iamangry… but I’m also ready to forgive.” She bats away the last remaining tear and re-builds that wall that seems to appear any time someone gets close to her.
My stomach sinks at how perfect she is, how amazing it is that she can forgive despite people only ever letting her down. I don’t deserve her forgiveness though, I know that, and I think the boys are all thinking the same thing based on the way they’re looking at me. I don’t understand how she turned into such an amazing person, even after all of this. She’s so kind, caring, and beautiful. God she’s so so so beautiful.
Why did I ever let her slip through my fingers?
“Just,” she pauses, “promise me you’ll hear me out next time.”
We all nod our heads, willing to do anything if it means we get our Claire bear back, cause in reality that’s all we really want. We just want to have her skipping through the house again, smiling and laughing at us while we do our stupid shit. She’s the best one of us, and I think I can speak for everyone when I say we never want to lose her again.
“Good. Now, I want to talk to Lucas alone, if you guys don’t mind.” She motions for the others to disperse, and my heart falls into my asshole. I have no clue what she’s about to say, but I sure as hell hope it ends with a happily ever after and another mind-altering kiss.
When we’re finally alone, I start to sweat. This is either going to be the start of a broken heart, or the start of an amazing story. I don’t think I’ll survive if she snaps my heart in half, even though I’ve done that exact thing to her.
She picks at her fingers, refusing to look at me, trying to figure out the right words. It makes me even more nervous, because who the hell has to think this long if they’re going to give yougoodnews?
“I think I’m falling in love with you” I blurt out before she has the chance to crush me.
She shakes her head, “that’s not fair.” I go to reach for her hand but she pulls away before I can touch her, her lips are pulled into a tight frown, and her eyes start to water. “You can’t just say that and expect everything to be okay.” Her chest starts to rise faster as she stares at me, “it’s not fair.”
When she goes to turn away, I grab her by the shoulders and spin her back around. My forehead rests on hers, closing my eyes, making the leap I was too afraid to make before, “can’t you feel it? Can’t you feel how right this is?”
“Stop it” she yells, shoving me away. She takes a couple steps back, looking at me as if I’ve slapped her. “For fucks sake Lucas, you barely even know me.”
She doesn’t think I know her? How could she possibly think that when I’ve done nothingbutlearn things about her these last few months. She starts to walk away and the only thing I can think to do is tell her everything I know about her, “you play with your hair when you’re nervous!” I yell. Claire freezes in place, so I take the opportunity to keep going, “you always offer to drive when we go drinking, not because you hate drinking or anything, but because secretly you like to be in control, you want to be aware of your surroundings. You never wear anything other than black to practice so no one can see blood if you fall, because you don’t want us to worry about you. You never wear your hair up because it hurts your scalp, and you love orange slushies, even when it’s cold as balls out.” She turns to look at me, and I take tentative steps towards her, hoping that she’ll let me get close again, “you have a dimple on your right cheek, but it only comes out when you’re truly happy, and there’s this one piece of hair that never seems to stay in place, but you don’t fuss with it because you don’t want to draw attention to it.”
She takes in a staggered breath, and lets me grab her hand, “how?”
A smile stretches out over my lips, “because I know you pretty girl, and if you’ll let me… I’ll prove to you that I’m worth another shot.” I interlace our fingers and place a soft kiss on the top of her head.
