Sometimes I just want the world to stop so I can catch my breath, just one second to feel like everything isn’t falling apart around me.
twenty-six
CLAIRE
I feel sick. I’ve never liked waking up on my birthday, surrounded by bad memories and old wounds. It doesn’t help that I’m hungover and embarrassed about what happened last night with Lucas.
I find myself opening up to him more and more, telling him every little secret I’ve kept close to me for as long as I can remember. He’s dangerous, he makes me want to confide in him, tell him every twisted thing from my past and never look back.
My parents never really celebrated my birthday, the most I would get was a happy birthday by text –if I was lucky. Neither one of them said anything to me last night about it either, they ignored the fact that their daughter was about to turn twenty-one.
I didn’t really have any friends to celebrate with, and when I did they would all go out to party cause, well it’s halloween. I never took it personally, it definitely sucked, but I was used to it.
Chris, Tony and Sam are the only ones who have ever cared. When Chris and I were little, he would go and buy me a cupcake, he would ride down to the grocery store on his bike and return with it wrapped up all pretty. It became a tradition, every single year he gets me one, even if he’s traveling for work he has always found a way to get one in my hands on my birthday.
I don’t ever celebrate it, only a handful of people know and I plan on keeping it that way. Don’t get me wrong, I love the guys and I know they would care enough about me to want to do something, but that’s what I don’t want. Every birthday has been a disappointment in one way or another, so I don’t want to get my hopes up, just for them to be crushed later on when something inevitably goes wrong.
My phone buzzes on my nightstand and I reach over to pick it up. Chris’s voice comes blaring through the speaker as he sings the worst rendition of happy birthday I’ve ever heard.
“Oh my god, you’re making my ears bleed. Can you stop singing before I go deaf?” I laugh.
“I told him it was a bad idea” Tash yells from a distance.
“You both suck, but happy birthday Angel. I love you and I will forever be grateful to this day because it’s the day I got to meet you for the very first time.” His voice is soft, wavering slightly as though he’s about to cry.
“Chris, don’t get all emotional on me. It’s not that big of a deal.”
He gasps, “not that big of a deal? Are you shitting me? You’re turningtwenty-one, you should be celebrating!”
I know he loves me, and he wants me to feel special on a day that most people do, but he knows how this goes. I get his cupcake, spend five minutes pretending like I don’t hate today, then move on and forget about it.
“Do me a favour, send me a picture of you and your cupcake so I can send it to Sam. He’s gonna lose his mind that he didn’t get to tell you happy birthday first.”
Remind me why those two are best friends again? All they do is torment one another.
“I will, I’ll talk to you later.” When I open the front door, the little box is already sitting there, so like I promised, I take a picture and send it Chris’s way. The text from Sam comes in not long after, and he’s definitely not happy.
Tell your brother to screw off. He KNEW I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday.
I’m gonna punch him in the face.
You’re never going to win that fight, sorry sammy boy.
Anyway…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY-SIS!!! GET DRUNK AND MAKE POOR CHOICES.
Maybe even get laid ;)
You’re gross.
But thank you.
I sit down at the kitchen island and take my five minutes to wish myself a happy birthday before tucking all the bullshit away and forgetting every awful memory I have attached to today.
The boys are nowhere to be seen, usually they would be tormenting me by now, or screaming at one another over a video game. I shoot them a text and ask where they all went, only to be told that they’re helping the football guys set up for a party tonight.
How much do you wanna bet that they’re gonna drag me there against my will?
