“Yes actually. Don’t forget, I have to live with the guy after all this.”
Steph rolls her eyes and slaps me gently on my arm, “you’re going to have to make a leap at some point, you can’t spend the rest of your life hiding in your room just because some things are scary.”
I actually can. Hiding is good. I can’t get hurt if I don’t try.
“Speaking of things that are scary, how’s the whole August thing going?” It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on the love birds, and I haven’t heard any new revelations about taking the next big step and finally declaring that they’re officially together.
We all know that they want to be, they’re perfect for one another, but for some reason they haven’t done anything about it.
“Everything’s good. He’s great, I’m great, I couldn’t be happier” she says.
“But…”
“But we’re stuck in fucking limbo Claire!” she shouts, tossing her hands up in the air. “We’ve been seeing each other for what? A couple weeks now and neither of us have done anything to actually express how we feel. It’s like we’re tiptoeing around the subject and I hate it.”
I refrain from shaking my head, the solution is easy, all she has to do is take her own damn advice and make the leap. “Sounds like you need a reality check.” Steph smiles at me, nodding her head vigorously. “You are the worst with feelings, and the fact that you’ve admitted that it bothers you… well that’s a huge step.”
“Okay first of all, ouch. Second, you’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
She stares at me annoyed, “continue before your head grows ten more sizes.”
“My point is… are you actually happy with how things are going?”
“Yes.”
“Then don’t rush things, it’ll happen. I can see how much he likes you, he’ll come around eventually.”
I know she wants to be with him, and he wants to be with her, but not everything has to happen quickly. Sometimes the best relationships come from the long game.
twenty-four
LUCAS
“Are you ready?” Blair asks.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, but I gotta do it at some point right?” I look at him, my best friend who knows it all, and search for something that tells me I’m doing the right thing.
“I’ll be waiting, go get some closure.”
The bell above the door to the coffee shop rings, and most people ignore it… but one man doesn’t.
His hair has faded to silver, the dark circles I remember sitting under his eyes aren’t there anymore, and he’s dressed in a suit. Heneverwore suits.
I feel my palms start to sweat, my stomach knots as I get closer to him and I have to fight back the urge to run in the opposite direction. When I get to him, he doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me and takes in every inch of the son he hasn't seen in six years.
He doesn’t look like the man I knew, the dad that would beat my mother and then act like he didn’t do anything wrong.
“Have a seat” he says hesitantly. I don’t answer, I don’t even know what to say to him, so I just sit. “I didn’t know what to get you so I just got a hot chocolate. I remember you liking those when you were younger.”
Right, when I was fifteen. He doesn't know that I drink coffee now, or that I haven’t had hot chocolate since I graduated high school. He has no idea that I’m a star athlete with a full ride to one of the best schools in the country, or that I’ve been drowning for years because of what he’s done. “Thanks.”
He nods his head and we sit in an uncomfortable silence for a moment before he speaks again, “how’ve you been?”
“Let’s not act like you care about my life” I snap. “I didn’t come here to catch up like old friends, I came here to get closure. I don’t want to be in your life and I think it would be best if you stayed out of mine.” My chest heaves up and down, I always imagined what it would be like to finally stand up to him, I just never thought it would actually happen. “Let's get this over with so I can move on, I’m tired of carrying your shit around with me.”
“I don’t blame you,” he hangs his head low, fiddling with the coffee cup in front of him. “I just want to say that I’m sorry, I don’t have any excuses for my actions but the least I can do is tell you why.”
