I feel sick to my stomach, I lurch, but manage to keep it in.
Chris opens the car door and I jump in, instantly shielding my face away from the window and looking to Steph. We sit huddled together until the boys can get us the fuck out of here.
She has the same fear in her eyes, but it’s not for herself… it’s for me.
A stray tear falls down my cheek. It may seem dramatic to some, but when you’ve spent your entire life being compared to your brother —or used to get to him— you live in fear that you’ll never be good enough on your own.
The feeling of dozens of people harassing you, way too close, yelling at you, flashing bright lights in your face, disrespecting any ounce of humanity you have in you… well, it’s a whole other kind of fear.
“Keep your heads down, I’ll let you know when it’s safe” Sam tells us from the front seat.
Steph grabs my hand, holding tight while Chris rips out of the parking lot. The sound of screeching tires and burnt rubber tells me he’s more than aware of how I’m feeling right now.
I’m so thankful for him.
“You can come up now” Chris says quietly.
I slowly sit up, making eye contact with him through the rearview mirror. He’s sorry, he doesn’t have to say it. I can see it in his eyes.
“Pull over” I gag. There’s no hesitation, he pulls over instantly. I open the door and puke out the side of it, this is too fucking much. When I get back in, I wipe my chin, “you can go now.”
“I’m so sorry Angel, I didn’t know they were still there. I wouldn’t have walked you to out if I thought you would be in danger.”
“It’s not your fault, none of us knew they were there. I just want to go home.” I wrap my arms around myself, I feel fucking violated.
eighteen
CLAIRE
I walk into the locker room and as soon as I round the corner I’m greeted by a bunch of shirtless hockey players. My cheeks heat up but I put on a brave face nonetheless.
You’ve seen shirtless guys before Claire, this is your new normal, just get over it.Move on.
I keep my head held high as I walk past them, averting my gaze and staring at the wall straight ahead. I’ll be damned if I give them another reason to pick on me.
Tony stands at the centre of the room as I take a seat at the back, gearing up for one of his legendary pre-game talks. I remember my brother going on and on about how fucking amazing they are, and I have to say after hearing another, he was right.
“I know today we have an easy game ahead of us, but that doesn’t mean you get to slack off. They deserve respect, and if you half-ass the game then you won't be giving that to them. I have put my blood, sweat, and tears into this team, so you better not disappoint me.” Tony motions for me to come join him, and when I’m standing at his side he smiles down at me. “I’m lucky enough to have the best not-daughter to stand by my side this year. She is passionate about everything she does and today she’s given us the tools we need to succeed. She’s got better hockey IQ than all of you combined, she deserves our respect just like the other team does.
The boys start cheering, jumping out of their seats and banging on the lockers behind them.
“Now go out there and show me that my faith is being placed in the right group of men” Tony yells. He pulls me off to the side and wraps his arms around me while we watch the guys, “your brother was just like them, probably still is. Always so excited and amped up right before a game.”
I nod my head, knowing damn well that Chris is still the same little boy Tony coached.
“I’m proud of you, you know that right?” He says suddenly.
“Yeah, I do.” I smile, “but what’s with the mushy gushy stuff all of a sudden?”
“Cause I know you don’t hear itnearlyenough, and I’m so insanely thankful to have you here coaching with me. I know your brother is proud, he’d kill to see you bossing around a bunch of grown men.”
“He’d tell me I’m right where I belong.”
“He told me I was an idiot for letting you into this world” he says.
I turn to him, shocked. Chris always loved when I came to his practices and games, he loves it when I’m involved in his hockey. I was the only one in the family who would be honest with him about how he played, and tell him when he needed to pull his pants up and act like a big boy.
“You know he loves that you love hockey, but he was nervous about letting you dive head first into all this. He was very against me asking you to move in with the guys, but I scolded him for not trusting me, I would never put you in harm's way.”
