“Is there more family?”
“Dad died when we were still young. You were sixteen. It was the four of us growing up.” She takes a breath and tries to lighten the somberness. “There are so many people here who love you.”
My mother and father are dead. Even though I don’t know who I’m missing, the finality saddens me. I’m never going to get the chance to meet them.
Christopher wakes, and his gurgles fill the room. I think of my friends’ babies and the ones at the Miami hospital. I’m good with them. They look at you as if they have all the answers. They’re just not ready to share them yet.
“Do you want to hold him?”
Carefully, I lift him from the bassinet and gaze into his eyes. They’re blue for now, but will probably change to our brown or Scott’s hazel.
“I’ve been searching for something familiar for so long,” I say quietly. “For someone who knows who I am.” I swallow. “This is a lot. I want to remember so badly.”
I don’t want to disappoint her. I do feel something.
But these emotions are strangely detached from my thoughts. It’s uncomfortable.
She guides me to a small couch. I sit, cradling Christopher.
“Do you remember anything?” she asks. “Anyone?”
“No.” I press my lips together tightly. “Just dreams. I have the same one nearly every night. There’s a woman with blonde hair and a beautiful smile. We’re… together.”
“You’re dreaming of Crystal.”
Could that behername? “Crystal?”
“She’s your wife and…” She squeezes my shoulder and hesitates. “I don’t want to overwhelm you. Is this too much?”
“No.”
“You and Crystal have a little girl. Natalie.”
My wife. My little girl. The girl at the beach. Half expecting to wake up, I focus on something real. Something tangible. I touch the shell on my neck.
“Hey,” she whispers.
I look up.
“Take a breath. It’s okay to sit and process this,” she says. Then whistles and curls her lips. “I know I need to.” She lets out a little snort.
I like how she makes cute faces and sounds to dismiss her anxiety. And it’s working on me too, at least a little bit. The beating of my heart has finally slowed down.
“Can you tell me about them?” I ask.
She shakes her head excitedly, grabs her phone and pulls up a photo of the beach. Natalie is holding a shovel and a pail in her hands, and Crystal’s standing behind her with her arms wrapped around her. Minutes go by as she tells me about my wife. She’s a top marine biologist and works for the city. She was recently promoted. A big job, working for the mayor and meeting with officials from the Coast Guard and NOAA. Natalie is in the first grade and is already a gifted student. Maddie claims she’s just like her, but she admits that Crystal insists Natalie’s just like me.
With every new nugget of information, I feel like something has been added to my soul.
Part of me wants to talk all night, but I know Scott’s waiting for me and there’s someone else I need to meet.
“I think it’s time for me to go.” I clear my throat and return Christopher to Maddie.
“All right. Scott can take you to see Crystal next.” She smiles softly. “We can talk more when my little guy and I get out of here. Or whenever you’re ready. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say the words because they’re expected, and my mind tells me they must be true. But I want so badly tofeelthat they are true.
At the door, I pause.
