Chapter 1
A Happy Single
Hillary Beck
“Fudge nuggets! I am so sorry,” I stammered, looking at the man in front of me. He stood there, his clothes covered in the coffee I had just spilled all over him, a shocked look on his face.
“I’m so sorry,” I stammered again. “I’m just so clumsy. I wasn’t watching where I was going…”
I scrambled to wipe the coffee off his shirt with the tissue I fortunately had.
“It’s quite alright,” the man said, sounding uncomfortable.
“Oh, no! Please, let me help you!” I insisted, wiping down as briskly as I could.
A small hand on my shoulder distracted me, and I saw Erica’s laughing face before she said, “It’s alright, Hillary. I think you should let him go.”
I hadn’t even realized how tightly I had been gripping the man’s hand as I wiped his clothes. Mortified, I let go of him and took a step back.
“I am sorry!” I gasped. “I’ll make it up to you! I’ll buy you a new shirt!”
“No! No!” the man exclaimed, shaking his head vigorously. “Please, I’m alright. It’s fine. Please!”
Clearly, he just wanted me far, far away from him.
“Are you sure?” I asked as he strode away from me quickly.
He didn’t reply, walking away as fast as he could. A crowd had gathered around us, and as the man left, it dispersed. I could hear people snickering, and I couldn’t help sighing to myself.
“Why am I such an awkward, clumsy mess?” I asked Erica, burying my face in my hands.
“You are not!” Erica said, laughing. “You are a cute, awkward mess. That’s totally different.”
I sighed again. What a perfect start to an already crappy day. Not only had I overslept, but then I bumped and spilled all my coffee onto an innocent passerby.
“So, as I was saying, you will love Kyle,” Erica said, returning to the topic. She slipped her arm through mine, and the two of us walked down the street. “He is charming, handsome, sexy and—”
“Erica, I told you I am not interested,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It surprised me that my friends still hadn’t given up on this. They seemed hell-bent on finding me a boyfriend, and I was getting tired of having to wriggle myself out of awkward situations.
“But you’ll like him! He is exactly your type!” Erica protested. Without giving me a chance to reply, she started to ramble about all the wonderful qualities that Kyle possessed; I slowly tuned her out.Why didn’t they understand that I didn’t want to date?That I was happy being single?What did relationships bring anyway, except for misery and heartbreak? I’d had my share of that. Now, I just wanted an uncomplicated, stress-free life.
“Are you even listening to me?” Erica asked with a frown.
“Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “It’s just that I am not looking to date, Erica. You know that!”
“How long are you going to let his memory torture you and keep you from finding new love?” Erica said, her voice getting more and more high-pitched, as it did whenever she got emotional.
“Erica—” I protested, but she cut me off.
“How long will you act like this? I know what he did to you was horrible! I know that it shattered you and broke you so badly that it took you a year just to get out of it. He is your past, Hillary! You can’t let him hold you back from new life experiences! He tortured you enough, now don’t let him keep you from living your life too!” Erica said, her voice filled with passion.
I sighed.How do I even explain any of this to her?
“Erica, Iamhappy! I’m happy being single and enjoying this new phase in my life. I was with him for so long…” I said, shuddering at the memory. “And so many years of my life have been tainted by him. I want to be alone now. I want to live, feel, and enjoy my life on my own terms. I need this time, and I want to dedicate it to myself. I want to go to clubs, and get drunk, and party. I’m not ready for a new relationship yet. Please, try to understand.”
“I understand, Hillary,” Erica said softly. “But I’m still worried about you. I’m afraid that you’re still living under his shadow. That you are letting fear take over. Do you deny it? Do you deny that you are too afraid to feel anything for anyone now? Afraid of having your heart broken? Too afraid to even try to trust anyone with your heart again?”
Of course, Erica was right. She had been my best friend since we were little, and no one knew me better than Erica. Iwastoo scared to trust my heart to anyone now. Not after what he did. It was better to be alone than to have my heart broken so brutally again.
