I don’t even really know when my feelings for Dimitri developed. It was very gradual at first, but they came roaring towards me in the past few weeks like an unstoppable train, hitting me at full force. When he started this game, I don’t think either one of us thought feelings would ever become involved. But now they’re real, and I don’t know how to deal with them all.
I’m standing in this dressing room while the wedding coordinator instructs me on what to do, and I just want to scream. I want to scream until this whole place comes crashing down to the ground. Ina perfect world, I would get to marry Dimitri. I would get to be happy. But I live in anything but a perfect world. That much is very clear.
“Savina, pay attention!” my stepmother snaps from the corner of the room where she’s currently nursing an entire bottle of wine by herself.
“Why don’t you go drinkanotherbottle of wine?” I bite out.
She scoffs at my words and takes another swig from the bottle in spite.
“Yeah, just go comatose for me, Cosette,” I tell her through gritted teeth.
The coordinator gasps in shock as do several family members within earshot.
“Savina Marie Cipriano!” my stepmother loudly scolds me.
“Uh-oh, she’s using all three names,” my father says as he approaches quickly from the other room. “What’s going on here?”
“Your daughter is being incorrigible,” my stepmother says, standing up and walking away with her wine in tow.
“Guests are starting to arrive, Savina,” my father warns in a low voice.
I nod in understanding. God forbid I make a scene or voice my opinion or say what I want in myownlife. Frustrated beyond belief, I tell him, “I just need a break. From all of this.”
“Go take a moment to collect yourself,” he instructs. And then he calls after me, “But don’t take too long!”
Rolling my eyes, I stalk off towards the bathroom and shut myself inside. Tears instantly collect in my eyes, but I can’t even cry because I’ll ruin the beautiful makeup that the makeup artist spent all morning doing.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I barely recognize myself. I look so…miserable.
The makeup did little to cover up the dark circles under my eyes that developed from my lack of sleep. I can’t even remember the last time I slept a full night.
Probably the night of my birthday when I stayed at Dimitri’s apartment. His sheets smelled so good, just like him, and I slept like a baby lying next to him all night.
And just the thought of him sends a stabbing pain into my heart, and I clutch my chest against the phantom pain. I realize why I’ve been crying so much lately. I’m in mourning. I’m mourning the connection between Dimitri and I that is inevitably going to be broken by this time next week. He started out as my bully, my tormentor. But he’s become so much more to me over the past few months. He’s become my protector, my friend…and so much more.
And to think of losing him, of losing everything we’ve shared completely destroys me from the inside out. The thought of seeing him only in passing and not being able to kiss him or touch him is going to literally kill me. All of it makes me physically ill.
I won’t be able to carry out an affair with Dimitri behind his brother’s back, even though I’m pretty sure Pavel will be doing just that with his bodyguard. It’s different for me, however. If Pavel is caught, he’ll probably, at most, get a slap on the wrist. But for me, if I’m caught, there will be consequences. I’m sure my father would bear the brunt of those said consequences. And, in retaliation, he might exile me…again. Maybe even send me to a nunnery or a loony bin this time. Who knows what my stepmother would talk him into doing.
“It’s not fair,” I say out loud, and I realize a truer statement has never been spoken. My life has been mapped out for me since birth. I never even had a chance to find happiness or make my own path.
Shaking my head, I leave the bathroom and stagger down the hall back towards the room where I’m sure my stepmother has finished off yet another bottle of wine and the wedding coordinator is about ready to have my head for disappearing. A familiar shape comes into focus past my tears, and suddenly a strong pair of hands are gripping my shoulders, giving me a gentle yet firm shake.
“Savina,” Dimitri says with a deep sigh.
I look up at him, my face crumbling as the tears inmy eyes threaten to fall. “I can’t do this. I can’t just pretend that everything is okay,” I say, my pitch rising an octave in panic.
“Come,” he says before pulling me into a dressing room, which is thankfully empty. He lets go of my hand, closes the door and stands with his back facing me. His shoulders are bunched up by his ears, and it looks like he’s holding a ten-thousand-pound weight on them. Something is different, off, and I don’t like it.
“Dimitri, you have to do something,” I tell him in a rush. We obviously can’t waste any more time here. It’s going to be too late soon.
But Dimitri remains stoic, showing no sign of interest or emotion. It feels like an eternity before he finally speaks. And when he does, it shocks me. “There’s nothing I can do, Savina. The deal has been made. The contract has been signed,” he says with resolve.
“But they amended it once. Surely, they can amend it again!” I practically shout. I’m at the end of my rope here. I can’t marry someone who will never love me. I don’t even know if Dimitri could eventually grow to love me, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take because I know for a fact that Pavel never will. I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage with someone who doesn’t even want to touch me. “Please,” I whisper. “Please, Dimitri, help me,” I beg him.
He turns and looks at me, wincing when he sees the tears in my eyes overflowing and cascading down my cheeks in rivulets. “Youwillmarry Pavel,” he says with so much finality that it feels like a slap in my face. “You will marry him and have his children, if he so chooses. Your future has already been set in place for you, Savina.” And then he puts the final nail in the coffin when he adds, “And I am not anywhere in it.”
I stare at him disbelief. He’s so quick to write me off. “So, you’ll just, what, disappear?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. “Everything we shared means nothing to you, is that it?” I question solemnly.
