Eventually, his stiff demeanor melts, and his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly against him.
In that moment, I realize that we’ve never hugged before. And I can’t help but think how sad that is. Everything that’s gone on between us has been this primal urge and desire. But our bond has grown so much more beyond that. At least on my end.
But when I feel Dimitri kiss the top of my head and sigh contentedly in my hair, I know he feels it too. And the thought of losing him because I have to marry his brother absolutely kills me inside. I’ll never recover from this. I know that now. I don’t want to live in this cruel world without Dimitri.
This risky game we’ve been playing is going to destroy us both. But that doesn’t make me pull away from him. It only makes me hug him tighter and silently beg for him to never let me go.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Dimitri
IT’S BEENFOUR days since Savina’s birthday and drunken night out. I’ve been trying to maintain my distance from her but have been failing miserably. I drove her home the morning after, making sure she had plenty of liquids to drink before I left. Then I brought over dinner that evening to check that she was feeling better. And I’ve been making excuses to see her every day since then. I’m like a lost fucking puppy when it comes to her, and I can’t seem to stop myself.
And now I’m on the way to her and Pavel’s wedding rehearsal dinner. The thought of having to watch them pretend to be a happy couple is going to completely wreck me. Even though I should be mentally preparing myself for the inevitable, my thoughts are completely consumed by her. She’s all I can think about. I didn’t think it would be possible for my obsession for her to grow, but somehow it did. And now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions, because the reality of everything is coming to a head. I’mstuck on a train that’s about to derail, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t stop it. I simply have to somehow survive the horrifying crash, but I know I’m just going to burn alive in the wreckage. Because not being able to hold, kiss, touch, fuck Savina is going to ultimately kill me.
“The wedding isn’t even until next weekend. Why are we having the rehearsal dinner now?” I grumble to my father on the way to the venue.
I’m in the back of an SUV with him and Pavel, who stares out the window with a vacant look while his right knee bounces nervously. I swear the closer we get to the wedding, the worse and older he looks. He’s going to have a head full of gray hair by the time they get married. He already has bags under his eyes from what I can only assume are sleepless nights.
“Because certain people from the Cipriano family are in town right now, and her father wanted to do the dinner tonight,” my father says, pulling me from my thoughts.
I refrain from rolling my eyes and instead look over at my brother sitting as far away from us and as close to the window as possible. His hand hovers over the handle as if he’s contemplating pulling it and jumping out into oncoming traffic. Scrubbing a hand down my face, I force my attention to my phone. I have an unread text from Savina. Just seeing her name on my notifications list makes my cold, dead heart pump harder inside my chest.
Fuck, I’m going to miss this feeling. I’m going to miss everything when it comes to Savina. She’s the only person I feelanythingfor. And this rehearsal dinner is the beginning of the very tragic end of us.
Ignoring the inevitable doom lingering over me, I open the text.
Savina:I’m nervous.
I bite my lip, thinking of what I can say to calm her down. She has a lot of anxiety, and I love being the only one who can calm herdown.
Me:You’ll be fine. I’ll be there.
I watch three dots appear before they eventually disappear. And then it happens again without a text coming from her end. She’s clearly typing and deleting her words. What I would give to crawl inside her head right now and read her thoughts.
I roll my head to the side, cracking my neck and closing my eyes for a moment. I can guess what Savina is thinking because I’m thinking the same fucking thing. All of this is almost over. The dangerous game we’ve been playing is coming to an end. And I won’t be able to go to her whenever I want or whenever she wants me to. She’ll be living with my brother after they’re married. She won’t be mine anymore. And that very thought completely guts me.
I hit a button on my phone, my screen turning as black as my insides, and tuck it into my pocket.
“We’re almost there,” the driver announces from the front.
“Good,” my father says. “Are you ready, Pavel?” he asks.
Pavel hesitates before nodding. He looks deathly pale, like he’s on the verge of throwing up. A sheen of sweat is on his brow, and he wipes it away with his sleeve. I wonder how he’ll be on his wedding day. He’ll probably be one of those guys that passes out on the altar when doing his own vows. And fuck, I’ll be there right beside him. His best man. Staring athisbeautiful bride, who should be mine but never will be.
“Fuck,” my father grumbles. “You boys need to get your shit together. You both look physically ill. What the hell is going on with you lately, Pavel?”
“We’re hungover,” I lie quickly before my father has time to keep pressing him. “Had some brotherly one-on-one time last night with some beers,” I add with a shrug, and Pavel nods in agreement, side-eying me with a small smirk. Once again, I’m saving his ass with our father. But I can’t protect him forever. One of these days, the truth might come out. And I won’t be around to fix his problems. No, I’ll be gone. I’ve already made up my mind to travel back to Romania after their wedding, doing my father’s business abroad instead of staying here in misery and watching my little brother live the life Ishould have been given. I haven’t broken the news to Savina, but she’ll be too busy after the wedding to even think about me or notice that I’m gone. Or at least that’s my hope.
My father shifts in his seat. My answer seems to have appeased him. “Well, get it out of your system. I don’t want you two hungover on Pavel’s wedding day.”
“Of course,” I mutter before turning my attention out the window. The venue comes into view, and it’s big and expensive and extravagant, but I wouldn’t expect any less from the Ciprianos. I can only imagine what the real wedding will look like. But then I realize I don’t even want to imagine it or think about it. Even though I want to go on pretending that my brother isn’t going to marry Savina and that she is mine for just a little while longer, I need to stop this bullshit façade and face facts. I’m going to lose her, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. And the sooner I come to grips with that, the better.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Savina
THE WEDDING COORDINATOR is a bitch.There, I said it. Well, okay, maybe she’s not actually a bitch. Maybe I’m just in a horrible mood and freaking the hell out because the cold, hard reality is finally setting in that this time next week I’ll be married to Pavel. A man who will never love me because he doesn’t even bat for my team and who is more than likely in love with his own bodyguard.
