He's already had Adeline in his bed. I know nothing happened between them, but I can't help but wonder if Adeline finds him attractive. What if she wants Jax more than me? Fuck, just the thought of it drives me insane. I don't want to share her in any way with anyone.
"Fuck you, Jackson," I hiss, seething, as I push past him and go straight to my room.
I slam the bathroom door shut and pace the floor with my hands clenched into fists at my sides and my brain running a mile a minute.
Scowling, I turn on the hot water and step under the spray. Usually my shower is a refuge, but right now I can't escape here or anywhere, for that matter.That girl. That girl has crawled under my skin and become a new obsession for me. My OCD has taken a backseat, and she has slithered her way to the forefront of my mind. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop wanting her. And even when I have her, it's not enough.
And my biggest fear is that I'll never be able to get enough of her.
I can't keep her. I know that. She has a life and a family to return to. When I think about her returning to that scumbag fiancé, though, my hackles rise and I want to punch someone in the fucking face. Hesoldher to me. I could have raped her and strangled her…even murdered her. He has no idea who I am, what I'm capable of. And yet, he allowed her to come to me without a care in the world.
What if I would have been someone else? I'm not saying I'm a saint, by any means, but I'm not a ruthless sadist. Would he have sold her to another?Willhe sell her to another when she returns to him?
The thought of anyone else touching her drives me insane. I scrub my skin raw and growl out in frustration. I've put myself in a vulnerable situation where I feel like I've lost total control, andI fucking hate it.
I'm always in control.Always. And I haven't experienced this helpless feeling of loss of power in a long time. In my adulthood, I've always taken what I've wanted. I never took an unwilling woman, but I commanded her, possessed her, drove my cock into her relentlessly until she begged for more.
That experience with Adeline just minutes ago made me feel helpless…but also so damn good. Her mouth on my cock… Fuck, I'm getting hard again just thinking about it. She is so innocent and unsure of herself that it turns me the fuck on. I want to be her first for everything, and that scares the living shit out of me.
I've never wanted anyone as much as I want her.
After I finish my shower, I go through my usual routine a little more quickly and sloppier than usual. I have a desperate need to get to my office and check on Adeline. She's like a drug to me, and I need a fucking hit.
I dress in a simple long-sleeved shirt, boxer briefs and cotton pajama pants before leaving my room in a hurry. I force myself not to run to my office, but I get there in record time.
Needing to see her again, I bring my computer back to life and click on the camera monitors strategically placed in her room. The sight on the screen has me creasing my brows in confusion. I hit the volume key a few times to bring up the sound. And that's when I hear it.
Adeline is…crying.
Her body wracks with sobs under a mountain of bedding, and I can almost feel her heartache seeping into my bones. I slide my chair back and rest my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands. I don't understand why she's so upset. The only thing I can think of that I might have done wrong is leaving without telling her goodbye. Or perhaps me leaving period is what I did wrong.
All this shit is new to me, and I couldn't possibly make her understand all of my hang-ups.
I've never slept beside a woman. I've never cared enough to stay for more than a few moments after. None of the other girls ever cared. They were more than happy to get their money and be on their merry way to their brighter and definitely more luxurious future.
But I told myself from the very beginning that Adeline isn't like all the others. She's different, a unique diamond in the rough.
I lift my gaze and watch her with rapt concern as she continues to cry, and I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. The notion that I could be worried about someone else's feelings is alarming, to say the least. I've been such a cold-hearted bastard for so long that I didn't think the black hole where my heart used to belong could ever begin to beat again…especially not for a woman, and most certainly not one that Ipurchased.
CHAPTER 26
LUCIEN
"MARIA SAID THAT Adeline's refusing to eat," Jax tells me over breakfast one morning.
The eggs I've been chewing suddenly taste like wet cement, and I take a big swig of freshly squeezed orange juice to wash the lump down my throat.
It's been a few days since I last went to Adeline's room. I had gone there to apologize for hitting her with my belt, an act so unspeakable considering my dark past; but instead, she surprised me by sayingshewas sorry before I could even get up the courage to do it.
Then, the unthinkable happened…she dropped to her knees and gave me the most amazing, and my first ever, blow job. I reciprocated the favor, licking her pussy until she gushed her sweet cream all over my face. Also a first for me.
I still can't believe what happened between us. It was like an out of body experience, pleasuring her in a way I've never done before and never thought I'd be capable of doing.
I've only ever wanted a woman once. After I've taken her virginity, she suddenly became spoiled and unwanted in my eyes. But not with Adeline. It's like I just fucking can't get enough of her.
When I'm with her, I feel…normal. I feel like I can be who I long to be, not who I've become.
But as soon as the moment we'd shared was over, I could feel the sick part of my brain taking over. Counting the seconds until I could get in the shower and wash her scent and fluids off of me. The nauseating feeling creeped up my spine until I almost gagged right in front of her.
