Is that why I'm refusing to let her go?
Keeping her here against her will makes me exactly what she called me --- a monster.
I told her I'm keeping her here because she's in danger, and she absolutely could be if her fiancé decides to sell her again. I highly doubt he'll get the opportunity to do that under Salvatore's nose again, but there is a small chance that he could.
And I'm not willing to take that chance.
The only solution I can come up with is keeping Adeline here on this island with me. I know it's selfish and wrong, but I don't care. I want her.
I need her.
Determined to get back to work, I turn my attention back to my computer, but find myself quickly accessing the camera feeds instead. I bring up Adeline's room, but find it…empty.
Panicked, I search the entire room and bathroom for any movement. Nothing. She's not in there.
"Where is she?" I growl in frustration.
Bringing up the feed from dinner last night, I watch in horror as I bend Adeline over the table and beat her with my belt. I force myself to watch, to take responsibility for what I've done, and it guts me.
I notice that the first strike made her jump and scream, but that she didn't make a move or sound with the strikes that came thereafter. I zoom in closer, and the expression on her face is a familiar one. She's blocking the pain out. And there's only one way she has mastered that.
She's been hurt before.
Scowling, I fast forward until the moment she's done scrubbing the floor. Her knees buckle as Jax scoops her up in his arms. I grimace. Not only did I beat her, but I made her scrub the entire fucking dining hall on her hands and knees.
I am a fucking monster.
I watch with intense curiosity as Jax carries Adeline to his room. She must still be there. With him.
Growling, I stand and make my way to Jax's room. I've never been jealous of my cousin before, but there's a first time for everything, I suppose.
I pound my fist on Jackson's door. When he opens it a minute later, he has a frown on his face. He's clearly disappointed with me, and it makes me feel a thousand times worse.
Raising my chin, I get a glimpse of Adeline sleeping on his bed. The rumpled sheets coupled with the fact that Jax is only wearing a pair of pajama bottoms fucking enrages me. My hands curl into fists at my sides as anger ripples through every muscle in my body. "Did you fuck her?" I hiss.
Jax pushes me out in the hallway and closes the door behind him. "Keep it down. She's still sleeping."
I stare at him in disbelief. "Well, did you?" I demand.
"No, of course not!" His words manage to slightly calm my internal rage, but now Jax is the angry one. "What the fuck happened last night, Luc?" he snaps.
"I fucking lost it," I growl. "Okay? I fucking lost it, Jax."
Some of his anger seems to dispel at my admission. "You're damn right you did. Adeline was terrified of you last night." He folds his arms across his chest. "So was I. Hell, we all were."
I mimic his posture, and we stand in the hallway with a thick tension hanging between us. I don't need a lecture from Jax. He already knows how fucked up I am. Why he remains here on this island with me, I have no idea. Sure, he leaves every once in a while for his own excursions and exotic desires, but he always returns.
He's like a loyal fucking dog that I don't always want shadowing me, but am thankful to have around anyway.
"How is she feeling?" I ask.
"She's been resting. I gave her some meds," he tells me.
"How bad is it? Her back isn't…" I struggle with my words. "I didn't scar her, did I?" Jax knows I got my scars from a particularly bad beating from my mother when I was nine years old. The metal buckle slashed through my delicate skin over and over again, leaving behind numerous open wounds that eventually healed on their own into rough and jagged scars.
The memory is as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday --- lying in the dark, damp closet she locked me in for days afterwards with no food, no water; my emaciated body covered in blood and shivering so hard my teeth chattered.
Sometimes, in my nightmares, I can still hear my own screams.
