"I know he doesn't like being touched. Is that because of what happened to him as a kid? Did someone hurt him?"
Jax doesn't divulge any more than a simple nod.
"When Lucien was…hitting me, you had asked him 'Do you want to be like them'. What does that mean?"
"I was trying to get through to him by reminding him of what happened in his past. He was hurt by a lot of people, and I've never seen him lash out that way before. Quite frankly, it scared the shit out of me," he says with a shake of his head. "Lucien is so different with you, unpredictable, so unlike himself. You bring out this completely different side of him. It's amazing and terrifying all at the same time." He holds my gaze as he tells me, "I'm sure right now Luc is completely losing his mind in worry and regret over what he did to you, Adeline. If he could tell you he was sorry, I know that he would."
I can tell that Jax is very protective of his cousin, who is obviously more like a brother to him. I completely respect that. Lord knows my sisters never stuck up for me…even when I told them about our father beating me.
They all suffered the wrath of my father at some point in their lives, but I always got the brunt of his anger. He never locked any of them up and forbade them to have friends or even have a normal life, however. No. He saved all of his torment and rage for little old me.
"Where did you go just now?" Jax asks, his voice breaking me out of my thoughts.
I stare down at the comforter and pick at an imaginary thread. "I…I know what it's like to have a bad childhood. I'm sure I didn't suffer as much as Luc has." His nickname comes out so easily, but it feels strange on my tongue. I swallow hard past the lump forming in my throat before I continue. "My father…is not a good man. He used to hit me. A lot."
Jax moves closer, sitting on the edge of the bed by me, and I let him. "Go on," he prompts.
"I always had to be perfect for him. I was supposed to be a boy, you know, an heir to his empire, and I think he takes his anger out on me because I'm not." My eyes drift close again, but I force them open. "My mom died right after I was born, so he didn't have a chance for any more heirs. I'm it." My lower lip trembles. "He arranged a marriage between me and Giovanni, my fiancé. He wants me to give him the heir he never had with my mother."
The thought of my son being raised in the Italian mafia and running the Valenti empire someday suddenly seems like a travesty, and I don't know why I ever agreed to let my father marry me off in the hopes of giving him an heir.
I was so blind to everything before I came here. And if one good thing comes out of this whole thing, it's the fact that I'm wanting more for myself than simply being my father's little puppet. If I ever go home, things will never be the same. I won't allow them to be.
Placing a gentle hand over mine, Jax asks, "Do you love the man your father wants you to marry?"
"I think I was starting to fall for him, yeah. I think maybe we could have been happy one day." I worry my lip between my teeth. "But now…I don't even know what I want."
Jax pats my hand gently before withdrawing his. "You have plenty of time to decide. But trust me when I say, don't let anyone else control your fate, or you'll end up miserable."
I nod at his words of advice. "Thanks, Jax," I tell him, sleepily.
"I'm gonna go downstairs to mooch some food from Maria since our dinner was…well, you know. Sleep well, Addy. You're safe here."
My eyes are half closed while I watch Jackson leave his room and close the door. And then I start to drift off after that.
My dreams are plagued with the unknown…of how long Lucien will keep me here…and what he's going to do with me.
CHAPTER 23
LUCIEN
"YOU'RE A MONSTER."
What I did last night to Adeline…beating her with that belt…makes me exactly that ---a fucking monster.
I know what it feels like to be at the mercy of someone who is hell-bent on hurting you. So, what the fuck would possess me to do that to Adeline?
The look on her face and the words she spit at me after it happened will be seared into my memory forever. If Jackson hadn't been there to stop me…who knows what would have happened. Would I have been able to stop on my own?
I don't know the answer to that question, and it fucking terrifies me.
I spent the better part of the night holed up in the gym, pounding away at the punching bag until my knuckles were sore and bruised, and then running full speed on the treadmill until I almost collapsed. After my punishing exercise routine, I huddled in the corner of my shower long after the hot water ran out. Shivering and freezing cold, I finally emerged from the safety of the glass-enclosed cocoon and managed to dress myself on autopilot.
I'm supposed to be working today, but I can't concentrate on anything buther.
Adeline is like the perfect distraction, the perfect drug, and I just want to keep injecting her into my veins like some sort of miracle cure.
I don't worry and obsess about everyone and everything when I'm around her. I'm so focused on her that there's no room for anything else in my troubled mind.
