I gasp at his words, my hands stilling on top of his. My eyes slowly rise to meet his, but he blinks, shakes his head and looks away. I realize he'll only keep talking if I'm not looking at him, pitying him, feeling sorry for him.
Clearing my throat, I continue working on his hand, prying my gaze from his face. After a while, he continues.
"She had a new man in her life every day of the week it seemed. Some of them weren't too bad, and some of them seemed like they were the devil himself. Getting kicked and beaten was the normal everyday life for me from the time I was born until almost a teenager. What I wasn't prepared for was when they started touching me…" His voice trails off suddenly, and he swallows so hard I can hear it in the deafening silence of the room. "My mother didn't stop them, any of them. I was just a toy for them…and her. She pawned me off to a neighbor a lot in exchange for drug money." I watch as his left hand clenches into a fist on his powerful thigh. "I was just a toy to her, something to barter with. And tothem, all of them…I was a toy to beat around, to play with…to fuck." His right hand squeezes mine suddenly as if he needs the support, and I squeeze right back, letting him know I'm here for him. "I was just a little boy," he murmurs so sadly that it causes my eyes to well up with tears.
I focus on cleaning his cuts, but my vision is so blurry that I can barely see. Still, I keep my eyes down, wanting him to tell me more, to tell meeverything.
"I lived in filth, complete and utter disorder, sleeping on a mattress on the floor infested with cockroaches and fleas. I was in diapers for much longer than a normal child would be because my mother never took the time to potty train me. Sometimes she wouldn't change my diapers for a week. I just laid around in my own fucking filth." His hands clench and unclench while he continues. "And when I got a little older, she rarely fed me. She was only worrying about pimping me out for her sacred drugs."
I can hear the anger in his voice, and I'm beginning to understand him more clearly now. Growing up in a grimy environment while surrounded by so much chaos is the reason why he needs everything to be clean.
And the reason why he needs to be in control at all times is because he was never in control of his life growing up.
He was innocent. He never had a choice in anything that was done to him. The words he said to me in the shower earlier this morning make sense to me now.
"It's not your fault what happened to you, Adeline."
It's as if I was looking at a puzzle with half of the pieces missing. But now that he filled in the blanks…I can see the whole picture much more clearly now. I understand why he is the way he is. And I'm heartbroken and devastated over it.
"My uncle saved me when I was twelve years old. William came to visit my mother, who was his sister, after they had not been in touch for years. When he walked into that trailer and saw me, he couldn't believe his eyes. I was emaciated; looked like I was seven, eight years old tops. I couldn't speak or make eye contact. My uncle took me away from there…gave me ahome, a real home. He raised me, made me better, made me…normal." He shakes his head and releases a sigh and a dark chuckle. "Well, as normal as he could make me," he adds solemnly. "William was rich. And when he died, he left Jax and I a lot of money, which in turn helped me to start my own companies. My uncle and Jax were the only true family I ever had. William was genuinely kind and never expected anything in return."
Tears stream down my face as I finish wrapping his right hand with gauze. Unable to stand it any longer, I meet Lucien's gaze. The fear and trepidation I see in his eyes that I might somehow think less of him now break me, and a sob rips out of my chest. Slowly, I stand and climb into his lap, my knees resting on either side of his thighs on the mattress.
I cradle his handsome face in my hands, and I force him to meet my stare. "You didn't deserve that life, Lucien. You didn't deserve to be treated that way." When I see a look of doubt…mixed withguilton his face, it makes me angry. "No, Lucien.No. You were just a little boy. It wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. Any of it." A torrent of tears cascade down my face, and he watches them fall.
Suddenly, his hands come up and grip my waist. "I'm hurting you just like they hurt me, aren't I? You shouldn't be here. I should have let you go. I should have…" His words come out hurried and anxious.
"You're not hurting me, Lucien," I tell him quickly. When I first got plucked out of what I thought was a perfect life, yes, I hated Lucien and I hated what he had done. But now…things are so different between us, and I wouldn't change a thing. I stare into his eyes as I say, "I don't want to leave." My breath hitches in the back of my throat as I whisper my biggest fear out loud, "Please don't send me away."
"I don't want you to leave," he breathes. "But I'm afraid I'll never want to let you go, Adeline." He studies me, waiting for my reaction.
"Then don't," I whisper.
Seemingly satisfied, he wraps his arms around me and cradles me against his chest. We stay like that for a long time until he finally pulls back and says, "We should get some rest."
I give him a small nod. We climb under the blankets with a few inches separating us. Even though I'd love to be in his arms right now, I'm not willing to push him any further tonight. He opened up to me and exposed his very soul to me. I couldn't ask for anything more that he's not willing to give.
And as I fall asleep with his watchful gaze being the last thing I see…I know that I've fallen dangerously head over heels in love with my captor.
CHAPTER 9
LUCIEN
IT TAKES ABOUT a week for Adeline to recover from her ordeal. To everyone else, she appears to be back to her normal self. But I can see right through her. There is an infinitesimal change in her that no one but me would notice since I've studied her so meticulously over the past few months.
She's scared.
The bastard who hurt her caused a deep-rooted fear to implant itself inside her bones. She's afraid of every single staff member, even the women, but especially the men.
However, even more surprising…she's not afraid ofme.
After the night when she took care of me, dressed my wounds and allowed me to open up to her, I haven't left her side. I've spent the past week nursing her back to health and taking care of her every need. We've grown closer than I ever imagined possible. And for the first time in my life, I've slept in the same bed with a woman.
At first, every time I tried to leave, Adeline would either wake up or begin to have terrible nightmares. Even in her sleep, it was as if she could sense that I was leaving.
I'm her protector.
I've never had to protect anyone before, and it makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel…wanted.
