But this hurts in ways I didn't know I could hurt.
Kai sets his practice weapon aside, his expression thoughtful. "Did something happen last night? Between the feast and this morning?"
Heat crawls up my neck. "That's not relevant."
"Fuck me, you slept together." Ursik doesn't make it a question.
I don't confirm or deny, which apparently serves as confirmation enough.
"And she regrets it," Kai says quietly. "Or thinks she should regret it."
"She wasn't ready." The admission tastes like failure. "I knew she wasn't ready and I did it anyway because she asked me to and I?—"
"Wanted her." Kai's voice carries understanding that makes this worse somehow. "You wanted her and she wanted you and you're both adults who can make decisions about what you do together."
"She's been through hell, Kai. Weeks of healing don't erase that. What if I made her feel like she owed me? Like she had to sleep with me because I helped her?"
"Did you pressure her?"
"No."
"Did she seem reluctant? Uncertain?"
I think about the way she pulled me inside, kissed me with clear intent, told me she wanted all of me. "No."
"Then you didn't do anything wrong." Ursik moves closer, his usual humor absent. "Sometimes people panic after intimacy. Doesn't mean you fucked up."
"She wouldn't even let me touch her this morning. Looked at me like I was..." I trail off, not wanting to finish that sentence.
Like I was someone dangerous. Someone she needed protection from.
"Give her time," Kai suggests. "She might just need space to process."
"Or she might genuinely want me to leave her alone because the festival's over and I was just a convenient partner."
Ursik makes a frustrated sound. "You don't actually believe that."
No. I don't. But believing she regrets last night is easier than believing she's pulling away for some reason I can't fix.
Either way, I don't have her anymore.
I'm not sure I ever really did.
19
RESSA
Ipull the blanket tighter around my shoulders, staring at the same crack in the wall I've been studying for the past hour. Two days since I told Falla the week was over. Two days of sitting alone in this cabin while my thoughts chase themselves in vicious circles.
The rational part of my brain knows I fucked up. Knows I hurt someone who'd been nothing but patient and kind. Knows I let old fears poison something good before it even had a chance to grow.
The rest of me keeps replaying that morning—waking up with Falla's arm around my waist, his warmth pressed against my back, his breath stirring my hair. For one perfect moment before full consciousness returned, I'd felt safe. Content. Like maybe I could have this.
Then reality crashed in hard enough to stop my lungs.
I'd let my guard down around anorc.
Not just let it down—obliterated it completely. Invited him into my bed, into my body, gave him access to the most vulnerable parts of myself while I was naked and trusting and his for the taking.
