“Yeah, they’re smooth. Any man who takes the time to take care of his elbows deserves a woman who appreciates them.”
She rubbed the one closest to her, then laid down beside me. I put my hand on her thigh, squeezing it so she’d take a breath and chill. I was almost ashamed to admit what happened, but she was looking forward to round-two as much as I was, and I didn’t think I’d be able to get it up until my balls were back to a normal color.
“Have you ever used hair remover cream?” I faced her, propping my head on my arm.
“Yeah, I used to use it on my legs, but waxing is so much easier. Why?”
“I forgot my razor and thought using yours would be a smart idea.”
“Where?” she asked, propping herself up as well to look at me. She lifted my arm and ran a hand down my chest, making my dick take notice. He wasn’t in on the memo that we were out of commission for a day or two.
“Yeah, um. Not there.” I gestured to my shorts, and her eyebrows shot up.
“Oh my god, you put that stuff on your dick?”
She moved her hand to my elastic waistband and tugged. I quickly put my hand on top of hers and shook my head.
“No, lower than that. And I’m good. Just need more frozen vegetables to take the edge off.”
“Wait—what? Are you talking about your, your…” She gestured to my balls, then blew out a deep breath and grabbed her pussy like she was in pain. “Your testicles? Your poor balls, Mark. No wonder you look like a mac truck ran you over. Have you taken pain pills? Are you swollen? Here, let me look.”
She went for my shorts again, and I batted her hand away, shaking my head.
“Not a chance. You don’t want to see what’s going on down there.”
I cradled one hand protectively over my man-berries and tried to shove her off the bed. I wasn’t rough, but there was no way she was looking at my boys in their pitiful state. When she got up close and personal with my area, it would be when I was standing tall and proud.
“Oh, shut up! I’m a doctor. Let me at least make sure you didn’t burn yourself.”
Burn? Holy fuck-balls!
Could I get burned from hair remover cream? I had to be at work in the morning and just wanted to spend the next twelve hours wallowing in my stupidity and sleeping. But if there was a chance I hurt myself, maybe she needed to look. That was not an area I was willing to compromise.
I patted her leg again and threw my arm up over my face. “Um. You’re a vet.”
She slugged me right in the pec with her elbow and sat straight up, crossing her arms and glaring at me with a look that would scare her one-day children.
“When doctors go to med school, how many life forms do they learn to treat? One, right? Guess how many vets learn? Wait. Don’t even guess. Let me tell you. Just last week, last week, on top of the usual dog, cat, bird, hamster patients. I saw an armadillo, gecko, pot-bellied pig, snake, scorpion, goldfish, squirrel...”
She kept going, ticking off animal after animal, even after I grabbed her thigh. I could tell she was getting more and more worked up, and truthfully, I wasn’t trying to downplay her career. There was no way in hell I could go to school for even half as long as she had. I just wasn’t going to tug down my pants and have her potentially laugh at my cherry-red family jewels.
“… and a deer!”
“Baby, listen.”
“Don’t youbabyme.” She threw her legs off the side of the bed and was about to storm off when I grabbed her arm and tugged her down, throwing one leg over hers to pin her in place. She tried to squirm, but I kept her pinned until she was still, praying she kept her flailing arms away from my bollocks.
“The first time you see my balls is not going to be like this.”
That quietened her down. She stared at me and furrowed her eyebrows, then laughed—a full belly laugh that shook her entire frame.
“So, you’re saying you want me to see your balls?”
“Fuck yeah, I do, but not like this. And you know I’m not making light of your career.”
I gave her a big grin and waggled my eyebrows like an idiot, earning another small chuckle.
“I know. I blame it on your toasted marshmallows. While I totally understand why you wouldn’t want me all up in your business, someone should take a look if you are in this much pain. Want me to drive you to Urgent Care?”
