“Molly.” The brunette rolled her hips out of time to the music, dancing to a beat I couldn’t hear. “You have a little while before it starts working if you want to tell us why you’re sad.”
Molly. I had never taken ecstasy. Well, maybe I had. The line between real and fake was blurred so much, I struggled to remember which side of the line I was on.
The blonde nodded, holding me at arm’s length. “You’re our friend now. And we’re really good listeners.”
I had nothing left to lose at this point. If this wasn’t rock bottom, I’d hate to see what was. I gave them the simplest explanation. “I can’t remember some really bad stuff that happened to me. And I feel so guilty I can’t remember. I don’t know what’s real in my life anymore. Is my name even my name?”
“Names don’t matter.” The brunette shook her head seriously. “You don’t know our names, and we’re best friends now.”
“Everyone forgets bad stuff. It’s easier that way,” the blonde added. “Did he break up with you?”
“Who?” I asked.
“Your boyfriend. The scary one you were with, who looked like he wanted to kill Leon.”
“Shhh!” The brunette giggled. “Don’t say things like that.”
She shrugged. “It’s true though. Was he mean to you? Did he break up with you because you forgot something important?”
The edges of my brain were softening. The hurt was dimming, but everything seemed so much brighter. These girls were right. They were my best friends.
I laughed, but it didn’t sound like my laugh. I was an imposter, a faker wearing a mask of my face. What was my real face? Did anyone know? “You mean Winder. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend’s brother. Well, he used to be. My boyfriend… my boyfriend is dead now. That’s what I forgot, that he died.”
The brunette tugged on my hands, pulling me to dance with her. I could hear the music she was dancing to now, a quiet beat too happy to even think about sadness. “He doesn’t look at you like he wants to kill you.”
“Thank you? I think.” I laughed, and I could see the sound in colors right in front of me, a rainbow symphony.
“I mean, he looks at everyone else that way. Not you, though. The way he looks at you is like…” she trailed off, a frown creasing her perfect face.
“Cotton candy,” the blonde offered.
“Cotton candy,” she repeated seriously. “He looks at you like cotton candy.”
I nodded, somehow understanding what they meant. “But he’s my boyfriend’s brother.”
“Ex-boyfriend,” she corrected, wrapping her arms around my neck as we swayed. “Besides, doesn’t that just mean youguys already know each other? It wasn’t like you married the guy. Even if he didn’t die, you might’ve broken up. Maybe this would’ve happened no matter what, your scary not-boyfriend looking at you like you’re cotton candy.”
Everything she said made perfect sense to me. Even if I hadn’t forgotten everything, maybe I would’ve ended up this way, right here anyway. Contentment stretched through every inch of my body, and I couldn’t possibly see how I had been so sad a minute ago.
I wasn’t lost. I just hadn’t been high enough to see reality.
“Blaire.”
The brunette giggled again. “Your scary not-boyfriend is here.”
I turned around to see Winder in the doorway to the kitchen, eyes dark. He ran his gaze up and down, while I continued to dance with my new friends.
“Hi, Winder.” I waggled my fingers at him. “You should dance with us.”
“Are you high?” His voice didn’t sound happy. At all, actually. Maybe he needed some Molly, too.
“You told me I get high all the time. Why do you sound so grumpy about it now?” I rolled my eyes. Winder was stressing over nothing.
“Because you made an enemy out of Leon, and now you’re getting high in his kitchen. Probably wasn’t the wisest choice,” he snapped.
“Don’t be such a killjoy.”
I was snatched away from my new friends by the waist. “If you want to get high and forget everything I told you, fine. But you don’t do it here. We’re leaving.”
