Before I broke my word right after giving it.
Things were so raw between us. We’d both opened up about a decade of truths to one another. She looked so damn beautiful, and when I saw her looking at my mouth the way I’ve been looking at hers every chance I get lately, I knew I had to take off before she got caught up in the moment and asked me to kiss her. No chance I wouldn’t have. Been waiting to taste that mouth of hers, that pillowy upper lip that taunts me whether my eyes are open and on her or closed and wishing they could still see her. I’m not that strong.
So I said what I needed to say, made sure she knew where she stands with me, what I plan to do about it, and I let her be. Let her process everything we both shared, let those wounds start healing.
Mine needed to start stitching themselves up too, if I’m honest. That was probably the second most emotional night of my life—only behind the night my mom tore my head off my neck, kicked it across the room, then put it back on my shoulders, reframing my entire existence as she did.
Hearing everything Gemma had to say to me, coming clean to her about everything I haven’t said, getting a night with her, kinda like how it used to be… I’m starting to feel whole again. Like themeI want to be. For her.
So today, I’m feeling…hopeful. Insanely, so, actually.
She’s perfect, my Gem.
I knew she wouldn’t try to make me suffer beyond the bare minimum to get her points across, but she was more understanding and (I think) more forgiving than I could’ve deserved or hoped for. I mean, if my behavior still doesn’t make sense tome, I’m not sure how it can to her, but she’s always seen the very best parts of me. It’s her default setting, she’s just that good of a person. All I can do from here on out is try to prove her right for being so gracious with me.
She took the day to herself to recover after last night, which worked out for me. I have some stuff I’m working on I don’t want her to find out about yet. Which is why I’ve been trying to see it as lucky, not painful, that she hasn’t made use of that key of hers I gave back to my place. If she popped over at the wrong time someday soon…well, I don’t want to ruin the surprises I have in store for her.
So from today on, I’ll be making sure to stay near her, as close to her as she’ll allow, spend my time out front of her place, if she doesn’t want me inside again yet.
I would’ve been out here either way, but it does kind of work in my favor to make sure she doesn’t come over unexpectedly. I mean, I want her to, don’t get me wrong. I’d do alotto hear her just waltz back into my home like it’s ours again. I just need a little bit of time, that’s all.
And that’s how I’ve spent my entire birthday, standing outside her townhouse, in front of my G-Wagen, like an absolute stalker, just watching her door. Had to sneak out for a meetingor two, but that didn’t take too long, and I don’t think she left in that time.
I’m not sure how she’s busied herself all day, but I haven’t seen her yet. Only heard from her the once so far, mid-afternoon. Her way of telling me we’re getting back to normal, I think. Our usual, NYA lyrics. And a happy birthday gif. It’s the least she’s ever done for one of my birthdays, ever, but if I get to see her today, it’ll be my best one yet.
My phone buzzes in my pocket again, and when I see the name on the screen, my day is that much better. And then I read the next round of lyrics she sent.
Gem
Your hands in my pants
I don’t dare presume to finish that lyric. But I have to. That’s how our thing works.
Is she going where I think she’s going with this?
I can feel my heartbeat somewhere deep in my stomach, the anticipation a toss-up between puking in the strip of grass next to her driveway, or giving me a semi out here for the entire neighborhood to see.
Me
As we fumble for the keys
I can’t wait until it’s just you and me
Oh. My. God. She went there. Is she trying to kill me? Make me combust on the side of the street in front of her house? Because the thoughts she’s putting in my head…of all the lyrics to send me…
I try to physically shake the more-than-friendly thoughts out of my head, but then my phone vibrates again and I lose concentration.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-fficially
Sweetest thing I ever tasted were your words
You can’t just switch songs on me, kid.
That’s not even on the same album, wtf Stone
You got me all flustered.
??
