I’ll continue protecting the best parts of this kid until my dying breath.
Cheese wasn’t something we partook in very often, but that night meant more to me than I can put into words.
Another night comes back to me, about a year later than the last one. Senior year. It was a much less fun night, one of the last times Aaron saw me cry, but I still keep that memory on a mental pedestal right next to the other one.
There was this guy Jeremy I’d been talking to for a few weeks, leading up to prom season. It was right before Aaron dropped out, his school schedule was conflicting with when he was needed on set, and his career was all but assured at that time. He had work constantly rolling in by that point, so when he turned eighteen, he dropped out. His parents weren’texcited, but they were supportive of him getting his GED. And it was hard to argue with the trajectory he was on. He was already out-earning them by that point.
Anyway, Jeremy and I had been on an assignment together for science class, and we ended up texting even after it was over. Things seemed to be going well between us, which was why when I heard that he’d asked Jenny DiSantinello to prom and not me, as I’d been expecting, it hit me pretty hard. She was a junior, sweet, but much curvier than me, and it sent my self-doubts spiraling to new levels. Aaron helped walk me back from that dark place that night.
He knew just where to find me, skipping steps of the ladder, jumping when he was close enough to pull himself up onto the platform and dropping down next to me heavily.
I’d left my phone inside that night, not wanting any reminders of how little activity was on it, those texts from Jeremy pretty much the only ones not from either Aaron or my parents. Those texts that gave me hope for a future that didn’t rely on Aaron and only Aaron, when he’d started dating around not long before that, and it was clear I wasn’t on his mind in the way he’d always been on mine.
It was less the fact that Jeremy hadn’t asked me to prom that had broken me, as it was the fact that I’d been reminded I’m not what guys like him, or Aaron, are looking for, and I never will be.
“Fuck him.” Aaron’s voice sounds angrier than I’d expect on my behalf, so I assume my parents told him what had driven me to mope out here tonight.
A small half smile breaks out on one side of my face as I turn my head to face his. “Nah.”
“I can cancel on Shannon and take you?” he offers.
He’s mostly landed roles here in the Atlanta area, and been able to stay around more often than he has to go out to LA, which has been nice. It means he can still do things like be a plus-one to prom after his shots for the day are over.
Something of a surprised squeak comes out of my mouth, and I shake my head rapidly, dropping it, causing my ponytail to fall forward over my shoulder and tickle my arms, resting in my lap.
“This isn’t seventh grade, Aaron. You don’t have to take your best friend to save her the embarrassment of going solo. I’ll just go alone since my parents won’t let me skip it.”
“You sure?”
I nod, looking back up at him, and hoping I was convincing.
“It’s not prom so much as…” My voice trails off, unsure of how to share that particular insecurity with him. I know he wouldn’t want me to feel bad about my body, my shape, but that’s not really a can of worms I want to open with him. No need to make this more awkward by forcing him to find things to compliment me on when I’m clearlynotwhat he finds attractive in a girl.
He sways into me with his body weight, nudging me with his shoulder so I’m gently shoved to the side. “What is it then, Gem?”
I let out a deep sigh and wordsmith an answer that’s honest enough, without putting him on the spot, or worse, risking exposing my feelings for him.
“I’m just starting to accept that I’m not the kind of girl guys go after. There’s always going to be someone curvier, or more experienced,” my face flushes at the admission, “or morefun.”
His features tighten, drawing together, like he’s rejecting what I’m saying.
“Gem, you’re the most fun I’ve ever had with someone. Guy, girl, whatever.” The sincerity in his tone is hard to poke holes in, and it’s doing things to my insides. “Plus, you’re more than just fun. You’re brilliant, and so strong, and loyal. You’re, like, the checklist of what a guy should be looking for in a girl. If he can’t see it, or is just looking at you for sex, that’s his fucking loss.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulders, his body surprisingly warm for the chilly spring evening, and comfort spreads through my veins at his touch, his words.
That’s when I realize that trying to build a life outside of him was silly.
This kid is all I’ll ever need.
A smile graces my face at those two memories, and all the countless other weekend days and summer nights we spent up here. Between us, we’d dreamt a thousand dreams in this spot right here, pretty much every one of those dreams centering on Aaron landing the roles he’d always wanted to and becoming a household name. Most of those dreams are well on their way to coming true now, but I can think of a few more I’d throw out there if I saw a shooting star tonight.
Unconsciously, I pull my phone out of my back pocket, unlock it and pull up our text thread, thumbing through our most recent interactions.
Call me a sucker, but after that thoughtful post he did about the period croissant a couple weeks back, I finally answered one of his texts. He’d asked me to save the most recent episode of “our show” to watch with him when he gets back. He didn’t have anything to worry about. I haven’t watched a single one without him. But I told him I’d save it, regardless. And we’ve been texting here and there ever since.
There’s too much good between us to let one or two bad things ruin it all, but there is some learning and growth that needs to happen, that’s for sure. Funny enough, I’m starting to think that itishappening. It’s just a feeling I’ve gotten over the last month or so, but even in the texts he’s sent me in that time, something feels different. Self-awareness? Regret?
My eyes take in the last exchange, from just a few mornings ago. Of course he started it with a New York Ave lyric.
