“Oh, Lockhart, this isn’t your trouble, is it? You have enough on your mind and?—”
“You know it’s my trouble,” he interrupted, and his heart throbbed when she met his gaze. When she licked her lips and her hands fisted at her sides with the fight they were both waging. “You can pretend that it’s for the sake of my future wife if it helps.”
She looked up toward the house again and her breath was shaky before she continued, “Prudence tells me I’m making everyone look at me. That I’m trying to be the center of attention like a selfish wretch.”
His jaw set. “She called you that? When she has no idea what you are trying to do, trying to create for your sister?”
She shrugged. “She isn’t so far off the mark, though, is she? If she knew what happened between you and I…she might kill me.”
He wasn’t certain if she was being genuine in that statement or not, but his stomach turned at the idea. “You couldneverbe selfish, Lily. And if everyone looks at you it’s because you are so…so very bright. Like sunshine that parts the clouds and suddenly the world is warm and dazzling and perfect.”
Her lips parted and her gaze lifted to his. She was so entirely beautiful that all he wanted to do was touch her. Cup her cheek, tilt her face even further toward his own, kiss her and forget that anything else in the world existed.
He might have at that. Whatever grip he had on control seemed to waver when he came within ten feet of her. But she was stronger. She stepped back and turned away slightly. “When you look at me that way it makes this impossible, George.”
She used his given name and he’d never loved it more. Or hated it more because it wouldn’t last.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He stepped back and smoothed his hands over his jacket. “Would you like me to intervene on your behalf with Lady Westinghouse?”
She shook her head. “That would certainly make it worse, though I appreciate your thought to play knight in shining armor. No, it’s best for me just to get through this. Once you and Alice…” She trailed off and drew a trembling breath. “Once you and Alice are married, then I’ll be free of her mother. I can visit my sister when Prudence isn’t around and our relationship will no longer be dictated by her whims and cruelties.”
“That I promise you,” he said softly, and hated it was all he could give her.
She didn’t look at him. “You should go back inside. You’ll be missed.”
“Yes.” He smoothed his clothing again like he could wipe the effect of her away even though that was impossible. She lingered like a perfume on his skin. He started away from her with great difficulty, but then turned back. “I do understand what it’s like to try to live up to impossible standards. For what it’s worth, I see you, Lily.”
Her breath hitched. “To be seen? That’s worth a great deal. Thank you.”
He didn’t respond, but left her. Went back into the house. Tried to forget the encounter, tried to forget the increased intimacy her soft confessions had created.
And knew he couldn’t. Just as he couldn’t forget anything else between them.
CHAPTER13
The days that passed after the ball should have been called successful by Lily. After all, having the others in the house had filled the rooms not just with laughter and warmth, but it had allowed her to avoid moments alone with Lockhart. Esme intervened from time to time, drawing Lily away when she couldn’t stop watching him. Changing the subject subtly when the topic of the wedding caused Lily’s stomach to churn.
And Lockhart was doing his part, as well. She watched as he tried to connect more with her sister. He seemed to seek her out, spoke to her at further length then before. He even called her Alice now, rather than Miss Westinghouse, when he stood talking to her as he did in that very moment across the parlor from Lily.
It all should have relieved her. It didn’t. She still dreamed of the man at night. The passionate dreams she’d come to accept, but it was the ones where he was just there with her that hurt more now. Dreams where he put an arm around her as they walked through the garden or pushed a lock of hair away from her face before he leaned in. She woke just as he would kiss her and it broke her heart every time.
Tears stung her eyes and she drew a harsh breath before she blinked them away.
“They look well together, don’t they?”
She realized that Lady Pembrooke had approached and now stood with her, watching the couple.
Clearing her throat so her voice wouldn’t sound strangled, Lily said, “Yes. They do make a beautiful pair.”
It was true. Alice’s fairness made a lovely contrast to Lockhart’s dark features. They were both beautiful and when they were married and entered a room, she had no doubt people would stare at them. Comment on the viscount and how he had caught himself a stunning bride.
“Better than how pretty she is, your sister is lovely on the inside,” Lady Pembrooke said, facing Lily slightly.
That complimentdiderase Lily’s more painful feelings and her chest swelled with pride at the statement. “Thank you, my lady. She truly is. Alice is kind and bright. She’s shy, but that will likely improve with age and as she gains further experience in the world.”
“Yes. I think I have also come to understand that your sister’s graces are perhaps more to do withyourinfluence than anything else.” Lady Pembrooke glanced at Prudence. Lily’s stepmother was with Marianne near the fireplace, and she was talking incessantly. Marianne nodded, but it was clear she wasn’t getting a word in edgewise, but was too kind to orchestrate an escape.
Lily caught her breath. She’d explained her history with Prudence to Lockhart just a few days before and now Lady Pembrooke referenced it. She feared that wasn’t a coincidence. “Did…did Lockhart tell you that?”
