He nodded slowly. “Yes, exactly that. I was putting away the past.”
“And I-I don’t know what I wanted.”
His gaze snagged hers again. “No?”
There was too much heat between them again. Too much weight in that one little word that challenged her and made her body react in ways it most definitely shouldn’t.
She ducked her head. “You gave me what I wanted, Lockhart. George. I don’t…” She knew she shouldn’t say these words, but somehow she needed to. “I don’t regret it, despite it all.”
“Neither do I.” His voice was rough, filled with heat.
She turned away and paced the grass a moment before she faced him again. “Can we just pretend like we were different people? Like we were just those strangers after all, who reached for each other in that dreamy place? Can Aphrodite and Ares exist outside of Lily and Lockhart so that we don’t destroy everything in the real world?”
There was a long hesitation and then Lockhart bent his head. “We can try, Lily.”
There was something about the way he saidtry. Just a little emphasis that made her doubt it was possible. But she had to cling to it anyway, because if she didn’t then she’d lose too much. It would tear her from her sister or at least mar the closeness she wanted to reform once Alice was no longer under the thumb of Lily’s stepmother.
But she’d also lose all access to this man. She’d have to force herself away from him and teach herself to hate the night they’d shared so it wouldn’t burn a hole through her. She didn’t want to do that. She wanted to keep it as a pretty little secret she could draw out and recall for her own pleasure. Something sacred, not sullied.
“The others arrive tomorrow,” he said, motioning toward the house. “Having more guests here will help us create space between ourselves.”
“I’ve thought the same thing. You’ll have even more duties to fulfill, as will I, so it will make sense that we won’t be in each other’s paths all the time.”
“We’ll separate to our respective friends and family members, we’ll keep our contact at a minimum except when it cannot be avoided without causing questions.” She must have revealed a little of her feelings on her face because he took a long step toward her. Too close and yet still too far. His breath was ragged as he added, “And we’ll keep whatever we think of that, of each other, a secret.”
She nodded, for every word made sense, even if she wasn’t certain they could keep those promises. Not when the moment they were near each other, everything became raw. “That—that’s for the best.”
He stared at her a long moment. “What I would do to kiss you right now. For the last time.”
“If you kissed me, I think it would make it worse,” she whispered, even though she ached for him to do just that. “And it would be wrong. Before we didn’t know, now we do.” She held out a hand. “Goodbye, Ares.”
He took her hand and held it, cupping it between his, stroking his fingers over hers gently. Then he lifted it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Goodbye, my Aphrodite.”
She turned away from him, bringing her trembling hand to her chest where she clutched it to her pounding heart. Then she took a deep breath and forced herself to become Mrs. Manning again. Sister of the bride. Nothing more to this man than a future family member.
“So, Lord Lockhart,” she said. “Does your own estate have any ruins or kingly visits to brag about?”
He was quiet a moment and his voice was rough as he joined her for the walk back to the main house. He put his hands behind his back as they strolled casually. “No. The seat of the viscounty is, sadly, entirely boring. Though it has a nice lake for fishing and beautiful hills to ride through. Does your sister…doesAlicelike that sort of thing?”
She glanced at him. “Well, the riding, yes.”
“Well, there you have it. Something in common,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll have to tell her all about our fine horses. She’ll have whichever one she wishes as a wedding gift from me.”
Lily nodded and they were silent the rest of the way to the house. But the pain she wished she could erase was still there. And she could only hope that it would fade to nothingness at some point.
* * *
Although George had lived a life packed with excess, one place where he’d never delved too deep was with drink. He liked his port and his whisky and his wine, but he rarely got deep in his cups. Tonight, standing on the terrace after the day’s events, staring up into the starry night, he wanted nothing more than to get blind drunk. It would numb the pain in his chest, at least, the one that hadn’t faded since he’d parted ways with Lily earlier in the afternoon.
What they had agreed upon wasright, of course. But it still burned. All of this still burned.
“George?”
He turned to find Clarissa coming out onto the terrace. She shut the door behind herself, tightened her wrap around her shoulders and stepped up to join him. He smiled and there was at least some pleasure that was real in the expression. He’d always adored his cousin, even if they’d been so very opposite. Clarissa had grown up obsessed with propriety thanks to the cruel expectations of her parents, while he had taken a road of dissipation.
To see her content now, loved, accepted, and by one of his own best friends? Well, that was at least something of joy in the darkness that currently surrounded him.
“Happiness becomes you, Clarissa,” he said, and sipped the drink he’d brought out to nurse in the starlight. “And no one deserves it more.”
