To his surprise she backed away. “No, you don’t.No oneknows. No one knows what I saw, what I endured. Not even my brother.”
“Then tell me,” he whispered, wanting to know her at such a deep place that he hadn’t even realized it existed. “I hope you can trust me as much as I trusted you with a past kept in the shadows for far too long.”
She shut her eyes and drew a shaky breath. Her pain was so clear, so powerful that it felt like a knife across this throat. “My mother…it was an arranged marriage like so many others. But she loved him. Or…perhaps it wasn’t love at all. She tended to become obsessed with things, people, entirely focused on every part of them, needing them to be as tied to her. There was no one she felt that way about more than my father.”
Sebastian flinched. “Not a good pick, I fear. I know he wasn’t a kind man.”
“No. And he loved to bounce her around on his wicked string. It was a game to him. It broke her down over the years. Just before my coming out, she discovered he had been living in one of his homes out in the countryside with his mistress while he kept her away in London. He’d never been so bold. She became…frenetic in a way I’d never seen. She wrote letters, three or four a day. I saw a few of them before she sent them. They were almost nonsensical and begged him to return, begged and begged.”
“Did he answer?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Never once. After ten days like that, she just…stopped eating and drinking. At first I thought it was best to leave her to her own devices, let her calm herself. But she didn’t. Then I began to insist she take care of herself, tried to tempt her and help her. Only she became angry. She went out of control. I’d never seen her like that. She destroyed her own chamber, she slammed herself into furniture and she—” Marianne cut herself off and swallowed hard. “She lashed out at the servants and at me, physically.”
“She struck you?” he breathed.
Tears sparkled in her eyes as Marianne nodded slowly. “I’d been trying to keep the worst from Finn, but Ihadto reach out to him then. He had just purchased that old house of his on St. James, so he’d been distracted. He rushed over at once when I sent for him, saw what was happening. We kept trying to calm her, sent for doctors, they even tried to force feed her, but to no avail. She withered. Withered away as if the possibility of that man’s love was all her sustenance. And she died of a broken heart.”
Sebastian’s own heart broke for Marianne and he took her hand. She let him for a moment, clung to him like he could keep her upright. “Finn never told me,” he breathed.
“He didn’t know the part where she hit me, I knew it would only crush him more than he was crushed seeing her like that,” she whispered. “I’ve carried that lonely burden every day since.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know how terrible it was.”
“It was even more terrible when the servants, who were loyal to my father after all, talked. The whispers of suicide and madness leaked out, even muted from the horrible reality. It was such a story, nothing thetoncould possibly ignore. The wife of an earl in full collapse? That was just too good not to spread to every corner of Society. When I returned to the marriage mart after my mourning period, I was given side glances instead of being appraised for my potential as a match. Even when they forgot the foggy details, the damage was done. They might not recall fully why, but they know I’m not worth the time to pursue.”
She had her chin lifted in strength but he could see the pain in her eyes. The heartbreak she had experienced and hidden. “Marianne,” he whispered.
She pulled her hand away and kept on. “So if a gentleman of a certain quality and a reasonable handsomeness hasfinallyexpressed an interest in me, I’d be a fool not to at least consider his offer.”
Sebastian’s mouth dropped open. “You cannot mean that, Marianne.”
She moved toward him now and her eyebrows knitted together. How many times had he watched her make that expression over the years. A little indication of her frustration. Again, he didn’t like it directed at him. “Why would you care so much, Sebastian? You’ve made it clear that you cannot pursue a future with me even if you wished to, which youdon’t, because of your friendship with Finn.”
He shook his head, trying to find an answer to her perfectly legitimate question. Whydidhe care? No, he wouldn’t have chosen Lanford for her, even before the other man had exhibited such a lack of care for her. But certainly she had a right to have an interest in another man. In a life with someone who would grant her the chance to have more experiences. To have more freedoms. To have children and an increased standing with her peers.
Only he couldn’t think ofanyonehe’d want to see in that role. The very idea of her arching her back beneath another man like she’d arched it beneath him, of her laughing with some other man at a breakfast table, of bringing her joys and excitements to him…it was an anathema.
He cleared his throat and forced the next words from his lips. “I suppose if you find yourself interested in Mr. Lanford, you are right that I shouldn’t object. It isn’t my place.”
Her expression flickered with pain for a brief moment and then it was gone. “No. It isn’t. Please excuse me, Sebastian, I think I forgot something in my chamber.”
She pivoted then and walked from the room before he could respond. He turned away and pressed his hands onto the table before him, his breath coming short and harsh in the quiet of the room.
This wasn’t how he’d wanted to interact with Marianne the morning after they made love. How hehadwished to do so had been a foggy thing, but not this. Not facing her with tension, and not of the pleasant kind. Not her declaring that he should walk away and not take interest in the potential courtship of another man when her moans of his name still echoed in his ears.
“Fuck,” he grunted.
“That isn’t a good way to start the day,” came a laughing voice behind him.
He turned to find Delacourt entering the room, and for a moment he tensed. But the smile on his friend’s face seemed to indicate he’d heard nothing of Sebastian’s exchange with Marianne. In fact, Delacourt looked lighter than he had in weeks before in London and Sebastian should have embraced that positive change. Instead, he had to force a smile.
“I don’t suppose you have a suggestion on a better way then?” he asked.
“Some of the boys are going for a ride this morning. We’ll do a bit of shooting before supper and the ball tonight. I’ve even arranged for a spread by the lake for tea.”
Sebastian glanced toward the chamber door, as if he could call Marianne back to him if he concentrated hard enough. But then he nodded. “The air and companionship will do me good,” he said. “But we must be sure to invite Mr. Lanford, as well.”
Delacourt wrinkled his brow. “I wasn’t aware you were so friendly with the man. I thought you didn’t much care for him.”
