Bernadette got up and paced across the room. “I know you and Flora want to see love everywhere, the future everywhere, but I wish you could understand that I never believed that was my destiny. Especially not with Theo.”
When she said it, she heard the lie of it. Of course she had wanted to see love in his eyes. Wanted to see the future. She loved him.
Oh, God. She loved him.
That truth hit her so hard that she caught the back of the nearest chair and clung there with both hands so she didn’t fall. Valaria got up and moved to her, slowly, almost carefully, as if she were an injured animal.
“Bernadette, look at me.” She did look up into her face and felt the tears begin to fall. Valaria wiped them away gently. “What happened?”
She told her, because she couldn’t not. Told her about the affair, about the building hopes she had refused to name, about the fears that broke her down even before she heard the truth about the marriage arrangement he had refused. When she was finished, her body numb, Valaria stared at her evenly.
“What do you want to say?” Bernadette whispered. “To tell me I’m a fool for ever hoping?”
“I’d rather say you’re a fool for abandoning hope,” Valaria said gently. She drew Bernadette back to the settee and held her hands. “You have believed that you could not draw a man’s attention or affection for as long as I have known you. Longer, if Flora is to believed. And I understand why, after all you endured from terrible men in your life.”
“But…” Bernadette said.
“But Theo is not your father, nor your husband. You are right that he is a man who could have almost any woman he crooked his finger at. But he didn’t choose any woman. He chose you. Not out of pity or duty or anything else but that he wanted you. And he could have also limited your interactions to his bed. He didn’t.”
“No,” Bernadette admitted. “He didn’t.”
“But you won’t believe he could care for you. Whatever happened in the past, you will take that over the present actions of a man who has been worshipping the ground you walk on for as long as I’ve known him.”
“I—” Bernadette began, but she couldn’t argue. Valaria was right.
“I look at you and I see me,” Valaria said softly. “I thought the same thing you do. That the risk wouldn’t be worth what I could lose. And it was a foolish notion that nearly cost me the love of my life, the man who adores me and protects me…the father of my child.”
Bernadette stared as understanding dawned. “A child?”
Valaria nodded, her eyes brimming with happy tears. “I was almost certain before the wedding, but I’m absolutely sure now. I’m having a baby.”
For the moment, all Bernadette’s own tangled emotions melted away as she tugged Valaria into a tight hug. “Oh dearest, I’m so happy for you!” she said. “You will make such a wonderful mother.”
“I hope so,” Valaria said with a shaky laugh. Then she cupped Bernadette’s cheeks. “But this dream would have remained buried if I hadn’t risked something. Riskedeverythingwith Callum.”
Bernadette sighed. “I know what you’re saying, I do. I just don’t know if I’m as brave as you are. Actually, that’s not true, I know I’m not half as brave as you are.”
Valaria smiled sadly and Bernadette could tell she was thinking of her terrible past. One Bernadette could hardly imagine. Then she said, “If you think you aren’t brave enough, I will gladly lend you some of my bravery. But I don’t think you need it.”
Bernadette shook her head. “What do you suggest I do?”
“Let him tell you what he wanted to say yesterday after the encounter with your father. Let him explain himself. Don’t decide what he feels without consulting him.”
Bernadette flinched. “I would be no better than my father if I did that, I suppose.”
“You will always be better than your father,” Valaria assured her.
“And what if it doesn’t work out? I won’t be able to see him again.”
“Then I won’t invite him again. He and Callum can be friends at their club. I’m sure Flora would say the same.”
“ButIwon’t be his friend again,” Bernadette clarified. “A friend I value.”
Valaria bent her head. “I know. And perhaps hanging on to that friendship is worth more to you than having the future with him. Perhaps the risk isn’t worth the reward. I’ll support you either way, in any way, for the rest of our lives. But I truly hope you won’t let fear of what you might lose keep you from embracing the beauty of what you might gain. I hope that nearly losing your life put that difference into perspective.”
Bernadette stared at her. She hadn’t allowed herself much deep introspection on what the accident meant. The fear had kept her from that. But now Valaria’s words rang in her head. That moment when the horse had been bearing down on her, eyes wild and body flailing…what if Theo hadn’t reached her? Would she have wanted him to know the feelings in her heart? Would she have wanted to leave this earth without allowing him to tell her whatever was in his, for better or for worse?
“I hate it when you’re right,” she whispered.
