He shook his head. Aurora would have none of those answers, but he wanted different ones from her at present. “How did Lovell come into the picture?”
“My father gave me all of two days after he ripped my heart to shreds to invite Lovell to the house. It was evident he wanted me to marry the viscount. That the match was in his favor politically and, after seeing the mess he left for my brother since his death a few years ago, I would assume financially.”
“So the night I saw you…”
“Was the first night I met Lovell,” she whispered. “And if I seemed to be smiling, Nicholas, I was grimacing. Trying not to cry every moment. Lovell was…he could be cold, and he embarrassed me regularly during our marriage, but he could also be kind when it suited him. He was kind that night, and I knew my father would force my hand. What did it matter? If I couldn’t have you, I might as well not fight him. I didn’t have the strength anymore.”
She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head there, the sobs shaking her now as what had happened in the past washed over them both. She wept while he sat, numb and empty.
At last she lifted her head. “My father was so many things, but I cannot wrap my head around the idea that he would be so cruel as to part us in that way.”
He stared at her, hating himself as much as he hated the late earl. “I-I believed him. I believed him, Aurora.”
Her tears slowed and she wiped them away. “That—that’s it, isn’t it? We were both so young. Too young to believe in ourselves or in each other. So I, like you, believed that you would leave me. That…that you couldn’t truly want me or the difficulties we’d face together.”
He pushed from the bed and walked to the fire. It warmed his bare skin, but inside he still felt cold. “And I believed that you didn’t really want me. That you would choose a title over a less exalted life with me.” He gripped his hands at his sides. “We failed each other. He played a hand you and I dealt him in our uncertainty and our youth.”
To his surprise, she pulled a pillow up and screamed into it. He pivoted toward her, but she held up a hand as she lifted her face to him. Her cheeks were red, expression lit with anger and pain and heartbreak that hit him in the stomach like a punch to the gut.
“All that misery, all that pain, your injuries, my empty marriage…it was all for nothing!” she cried out.
“No!” He lunged for her and caught her arms, dragging her against his chest and holding her there. He felt her shake, he knew she felt his heart pound. “It wasn’t for nothing, Aurora.”
“But it wouldn’t have happened without his lies,” she sobbed.
He smoothed her hair. “No, it wouldn’t have. But we don’t know what our future would have looked like if he hadn’t. I learned in the past two years, as I fought through enormous physical pain, that I cannot think about what might have been or even what should have been. I can only live in what is. What I went through losing you, during my years in service and after I was injured…it’s made me the person I am today. The same is true for you. You wouldn’t be the Aurora here today if it weren’t for the struggle. And the Aurora of today is magnificent. Truly magnificent.”
She looked up at him, cheeks shining with tears, but also lit with what he recognized was love for him. He hadn’t trusted that emotion, not fully, all those years ago. But the man he was today saw it and felt it and knew it to be true. He also knew it might not matter, it might not change anything, it might not mean a happy ending for them.
“We can’t change what happened,” she whispered.
“No.”
She bent her head. “I-I suppose you’re right. But I’m still sorry it happened. You have to let me be sorry that any of it happened.”
He kissed her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears. “You can be sorry for as long as you need to be.”
She wrapped her arms around him, and for a moment they just held each other. She took deep breaths and he found himself matching them until he felt calmer. More at peace despite the horrifying truth they’d just uncovered.
“They’ll be meeting downstairs soon,” she whispered. “I should get ready.”
He nodded as he pressed a kiss to her hair. “I should, too. Can we talk about this more later, Aurora?”
“Of course,” she said, but her tone was flat. Her faith had been shaken, perhaps more than his, because it was her father who had ripped her life away. She hadn’t thought him capable, even if Nicholas had.
But that didn’t mean he didn’t have questions that needed answers.
He tilted her chin up and kissed her. She clung to his arms, desperation in her kiss. And when they parted, she didn’t look satisfied. He stepped away and slowly dressed in the quiet of the room. No longer a comfortable or companionable quiet. A quiet of heartbreak and regret.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he said at last.
“Yes,” she murmured as she pulled the covers up around herself like a shield. “Tonight.”
He left her even though he felt uneasy about it. But he didn’t go to his room to ready himself. No, he had another destination in mind. One person who might have the answers he needed…assuming that person hadn’t been keeping them secret all these years.
“Did you know?” Nicholas said as he stepped into Robert’s office and slammed the door behind himself.
Robert had been going over some papers, Derrick standing behind him, looking over his shoulder, and both men glanced up. “What?”
