Nicholas flinched. If he called it that, even in his head, he would be fully lost. Loving her had been the greatest experience of his life. Losing her the worst, even something he held above the physical pain he’d endured after the war. The physical pain faded, but this? This was always just below the surface, making every part of his life a little duller.
“Though there may be an argument to be made about whether or not she deserves devotion from a man such as you.”
“A man such as me?” Nicholas repeated. “What does that mean?”
“We served in the army together many years,” Derrick said. “You saved my life.”
“You saved mine,” Nicholas responded, meeting his friend’s eyes. “You were injured that day, as well, but you kept me from bleeding out on the battlefield.”
“Either way, no braver or more honorable man have I ever met in my life,” Derrick said. “And seeing you struggle over this young woman…a person I know hurt you deeply, I worry. And I hope that you’ll be careful.”
“I will be,” Nicholas said. “I am determined to pretend as though I’ve never met the woman before. We’re nothing but strangers, so the danger is less.”
Derrick said nothing, but the expression that came over his face said volumes about how incredulous he was.
“What is that look?” Nicholas asked. “You don’t believe me?”
Derrick shrugged. “I was watching you with her just now. You didn’t look like a man being polite with a stranger. Like it or not, the tension between you two is palpable.”
Nicholas pursed his lips. That wasn’t good, not at all. He was accustomed to being able to control himself. He had honed that skill during his time in the army, practiced it until it was second nature. Now it seemed he wasn’t doing a decent job at it at all.
“Then perhaps the best thing I can do is avoid her entirely,” he said, and hated how his hands shook at the very idea of such a thing. “I could…I could pretend she isn’t here. The party is small, but large enough that complete evasion isn’t out of the question.”
Derrick shook his head. “I wasn’t implying—”
But Nicholas raised a hand to stop him. “Perhaps you weren’t. And perhaps it’s an extreme measure. But given the past, perhaps it’s also for the best.” He swallowed hard and pushed his shoulders back. “Itisfor the best.”
Derrick was looking at him with shock and concern. Both were thick in his voice when he said, “And will you tell the lady this? That you will not speak or interact with her again? Is that your plan?”
Nicholas looked across the room. Aurora had joined Lizzie, Katherine and Adelaide by the fire. She was smiling as the four women chatted. She looked…happy. Relieved. And he knew if he told her he didn’t want anything to do with her, more of that hurt and concern would cross her face. He couldn’t do it tonight.
“I will,” he said. “Tomorrow. I’ll tell her tomorrow.”
His brother-in-law didn’t look convinced of that, and for a moment Nicholas thought his friend might say something more. But then Derrick shook his head slightly and changed the subject. “Barber sent his regards before I left London,” he said. “He would have come—Roseford invited him—but he was working on a case.”
Nicholas smiled in relief at the topic. Edward Barber was their mutual friend, a man who had served with them. After the incident that had nearly killed Nicholas and injured several others, including Derrick and Barber, everything had changed. Derrick and Barber were partners in an investigative business, something that catered to the needs of the Upper Ten Thousand when they didn’t want to go to the guard, when their silver was pilfered, or a swindler relieved them of an investment. Sometimes they were even called upon when there was a murder.
The topic was a fascinating one, and Nicholas relaxed as he discussed the finer points of the trade with his old friend. But every so often, he couldn’t help but dart his gaze to Aurora. And when he did, when he looked at her with her bright smile and her full curves and her dark eyes…the idea of pushing her away was almost impossible to fathom. So he had to figure out a way to do just that, and quickly.
Chapter 7
Aurora lifted her face toward the bright sunshine of the summer morning. It kissed her face and she sighed as she drank it in. Then she removed her bonnet and let out a long sigh. There was nothing like a long walk alone to clear one’s head.
She had always been an early riser. While others of her class lounged until midday, Aurora did her best thinking and planning early in the morning. An added bonus was that she didn’t have to see anyone while she did it. That had been the perfect escape during her marriage. Not that Lovell had truly cared what she did or where she did it, as long as she stayed out of his way.
She pushed those thoughts aside, but was left with a cacophony of others. There was so much all crowded into her mind and it made her feel like she’d been spun around a dozen times and been set free into the world to stagger helplessly. Even sleep hadn’t given her respite. She had tossed and turned all night. Every time she’d fallen into even the slightest state of sleep, Nicholas’s face had ripped her awake.
Back to a reality where he was just a few chambers down from her. Practically arm’s length. Being this close to him was like going back in time. And talking to him? That was even more intense. When he stood near her, she could smell that pine-and-leather scent of him that made her body tingle in all the most outrageous places. And when she could feel the body heat of his long, lanky frame? She had such thoughts. Such wicked, passionate thoughts.
She huffed out a breath and fisted her hands at her sides. That was more than enough. She was about to start walking again when she heard a sound from behind her. She turned back toward the house far above on the hill and was surprised to see an animal racing toward her. A dog, though he was so large he could have been mistaken for a small pony. He didn’t bark as he barreled over a slight rise in the field, but he was focused intently on her as he ran.
As he got closer, she recognized him as a fine bullmastiff, ruddy tan in color, with thick, muscular lines. He was a dog meant to intimidate, but she didn’t feel intimidated as he skidded to a stop in front of her and just…stared.
“Well, good morning, fine sir,” she said, smiling at the animal.
The dog titled its massive head quizzically and let out a little whine of confusion.
“What is a good boy like you doing out here by himself?” She crouched down. “Hmmm? Tell me, good boy?”
