“You can’t mean that,” she whispered.
He shrugged, hoping it seemed that he didn’t care. He needed that barrier, at least, between them. “Whatever happened between us, it’s in the distant past. Isn’t it?”
Her gaze darted away, pink filled her cheeks. She almost looked…disappointed, but that couldn’t be. After all, she had walked away from him, married someone else, lived a life that had nothing to do with him. Why shouldshebe disappointed?
“Yes,” she said at last, her breath hitching.
“Neither of us is the same person we were all those years ago,” he continued. And that was true. He hadn’t been that green, hopeful boy for a very long time. War had changed him, injury had changed him…shehad changed him. “And I think we bothneedto be here for various reasons.”
Her face jerked toward his, and the pink on her cheeks immediately transformed to bright red. “You—you are referring to the scandal, I suppose.”
He shifted. God, how he would like to ask her about that. Press her, demand to understand what had driven her to such a thing. But it wasn’t his place. They weren’t friends, not anymore. They weren’t lovers, they never had been. He was owed no answers. And perhaps if he ignored that urge to demand them, it would create a required distance that would make the next week and a half more bearable.
“It is none of my affair,” he said, and turned away from her. “I’m not asking you about it, nor judging you for whatever happened back in London.”
“I see.” Her voice was very small.
He forced himself to look at her, gripping his hands behind his back so he wouldn’t try to touch her again. “Can we put our past aside for the sake of our futures? Pretend to be strangers who just met? And proceed as we both intended when we each agreed to come here, not knowing the other would be in attendance?”
She was quiet for so long, he started to wonder if she’d heard him. But finally she gave a shaky nod. “I-I can do that. If you can.”
“I can,” he said immediately.
It was a lie. He couldn’t do that. Couldn’t pretend she’d never meant something…everything…to him. But he would. He’dmakehimself do it, use that military discipline that had guided his life since almost the very day she left him.
He shook his head to push that thought away and extended a hand as if they were meeting for the first time. “Nicholas Gillingham, my lady.”
She stared at the outstretched fingers, and her hand shook as she took them. “Lady Lovell.”
He pulled his hand away after a perfunctory shake that sent the same electricity up his spine that taking her hand had done a moment before. “A pleasure. And now if you’ll excuse me, I will allow you to go settle in to your room. I’m sure you’re tired after the long journey from London. Good day, my lady.”
The fact that this distance and dismissal hurt Aurora was plain by the hurt that flickered across her face. But she forced a smile and nodded. “Good day, Mr. Gillingham.”
He pivoted and walked away. As he exited the room, he was finally able to draw a full breath, and he did so as he made his way down the hall toward any parlor that would allow his escape onto the back terrace. He needed air desperately. He needed to be free of the soft scent of Aurora’s skin, the warmth of her breath, the shiny beauty of her hair. All the things he’d tried to forget and failed at miserably and totally.
“This is a test,” he muttered to himself as he burst out into the sunshine of the afternoon. “You’ve had many of those over the years. And this is one you have to pass, that is all there is to it.”
Aurora stared at her plate of uneaten food, though she hardly saw what was before her. She was too distracted. The party staying at the Duke and Duchess of Roseford’s home was a large one, so the long table was filled with people all talking and laughing at once. And yet her attention continued to be drawn, always and forever, to one man, even though he had been obviously placed as far away from her as humanly possible.
Nicholas. He was situated between his two half-brothers on the opposite end of the table from her. He talked to them, though it didn’t appear easily. And he never looked her way. Not once. Not even from the corner of his eye. It seemed he would have an easier time with their promise to pretend they shared no common history than she would.
“I have heard you are an accomplished horsewoman, Lady Lovell.”
Aurora blinked and turned her attention to the lady who had been seated beside her, the Duchess of Northfield, a beautiful blonde woman with dark blue eyes that seemed to take in everything around her. She had also insisted that Aurora refer to her by her first name, Adelaide, almost immediately upon meeting her. And how could one refuse a lady of such charm and grace?
Adelaide’s husband was at the other end of the table closer to Roseford and Nicholas and was equally as handsome as his wife. She’d seen the two of them whispering close together in the hallway earlier. They were obviously in love.
She forced her attention back to what the lady had just said. “Er, yes. I have always enjoyed riding,” she said. “I suppose one becomes accomplished at those things they enjoy enough to repeat.”
Adelaide’s eyes lit up with mirth and she cast them toward her husband briefly. “I would say that is very true. But I heard you went so far as to break and train the animals?”
Aurora bent her head. This subject was not meant to be a painful one, she was certain. But it still was. “On my late husband’s estate, I was allowed to house several mares and fillies. I did break the horses and breed them.” She cleared her throat and wished her voice were not so thick as she said, “But since his death, I have not been able to see the animals. I heard most were sold off by the new viscount.”
Adelaide’s face lit up with pity. “That must be painful. I’m so sorry. Animals can be such a comfort. I didn’t mean to bring up a difficult subject.”
“Don’t worry yourself,” Aurora assured her, for she didn’t want Adelaide to feel bad about the painful topic. And she also didn’t want to be known as the woman who could only talk about her pain. That didn’t endear her to anyone, she was certain.
“You mentioned your late husband,” Adelaide said with a gracious smile toward her. “You just came out of mourning, I know. Do you have any plans?”
