This wasn’t how he’d imagined asking her to marry him. Not that he’d done a better job at his first attempt earlier in the day. But here they were. And once this threat to Phoebe had been dealt with, he could focus some time on growing closer to the woman who would now be his wife.
On nurturing their bond in the hopes that it could deepen and grow. That was what he wanted, after all. What she deserved.
“When is this happening?” Lucas said, his tone tight.
Kit glared at him. “Considering the changes to our circumstances today, I thought it would be best to marry right away. I intend to visit the magistrate immediately. I had hoped you would accompany me.”
“If the magistrate can be…convinced,” Lucas said softly. “It would be, what? A day or two?”
“Yes,” he said, glancing at Sarah. Her cheeks were bright with color and she seemed to be intently focused on a strand of auburn hair that had come loose from Phoebe’s ribbon.
Lucas nodded slowly, then got up. “Certainly I will be happy to join you,” he said. “Shall we call for the horses?”
He leaned in and pressed a brief kiss to Diana’s mouth, then began to exit the room, but not before he placed a hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “We are very pleased for you, Sarah,” he said. “I hope it will be a happy union.”
“Thank you, Your Grace,” Sarah said, her voice barely carrying.
Lucas stepped from the room with Kit behind him. Kit held his tongue as they waited for the horses to be brought round. It was only when they were headed down the long drive toward the gate that he glared at his friend.
“What was that?” he snapped.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Lucas retorted without looking at him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“The right thing for everyone,” Kit explained in exasperation. “You said to let Sarah help. Well, if we are married, she will be in the best position to do so. And my sister is overjoyed.”
Lucas shook his head. “You could have left her as governess if those are your reasons to wed her. You should have, for this cannot end well.”
Kit gripped the reins harder and stared straight ahead. “I had already intended to ask her to be my wife,” he admitted. “Today before this mess with Hannah began.”
Lucas jerked his gaze toward him. “That was why you asked Diana and I to take your sister for a walk and a picnic?”
Kit nodded. “I wanted time alone to propose. I had no thought to rush the time table like this, but it was my intention to marry her then.”
“For what reasons?” Lucas asked.
Kit shifted in his saddle. “Because I am attracted to her,” he said. “Enough that I have behaved imprudently. Because it seems I have wanted her for far longer than I even knew. And I…I like her. I like being around her. I like having her to lean on and I hope that I can offer the same support to her.”
“And did you tell her all that when you spoke to her this morning? Or when you asked her to be your wife some point between when we parted ways and when you made your announcement?”
Kit opened his mouth and then shut it again. “This morning I admit I struggled. I couldn’t find the right words—she didn’t even know what I was trying to say.”
“That’s an auspicious beginning,” Lucas muttered.
“As for later—” Kit shifted again as more and more discomfort washed over him. “Well, I must think of my sister right now. Things with Sarah will work themselves out. We’ll be married and have all our lives to explain what we want and how we feel.”
Lucas shook his head. “You know that isn’t true. Even more now than before, since you watched that young woman die already.”
Kit recoiled at the harsh fact, thrown in his face by one of his best friends. A man who had given Sarah back to him with the breath of life.
“I’m just starting to understand my heart myself,” he said. “And it’s a distraction right now that could endanger Phoebe. Iwilltalk to Sarah. I will give her everything she deserves. But not right now. Not when I will only be half-present. Only half hers.”
Lucas was quiet, and Kit could see he was mulling over that statement. Then he nodded. “Just don’t let your fears destroy the happiness it’s clear you could share with her.”
Kit sighed. “I’m trying, my friend. I’m trying.”
“It seems I am destined to be borrowing dresses from the duchesses forever,” Sarah said as she stood in front of the mirror in the gown Diana had insisted she try on. It was a lovely pale gray silk, suitable for a wedding performed during a mourning period, but with a few pretty pink highlights that gave it a joyful burst of color.
And yet, as Sarah stared at herself, she did not feel joyful. She felt…numb.
