Sarah chose to ignore her sleepless night as the cause and instead focused on her job. “Well, with all the nannies given the morning off so this would be a family event, how could one not be?” Isabel cocked her head and Sarah shrugged because she knew her friend could see right through her. “It was a…trying morning.”
Isabel frowned. “I admit I could hear Phoebe when I was across the hall checking on the children in the nursery.”
Pursing her lips, Sarah let her attention drift ahead to her charge. Phoebe was walking with James and Emma’s oldest daughter, two-year-old Beatrice. She was holding the smaller girl’s hand and chatting amicably with Emma as they strolled.
A stark comparison to the morning’s collapse. “Phoebe is normally sweet as sugar in the morning,” Sarah said with a sigh. “But since her father’s death…”
Isabel squeezed her arm. “It is a phase. She’s so young, it must be hard for her to process such grief and uncertainty.”
“Well, her having a screaming fit cannot reflect well on me,” Sarah said.
“On the contrary, I think it reflects beautifully on you. She does not do such a thing to any of the duchesses.”
Sarah glared at her from the corner of her eye. “Thank you, that is helpful.”
Isabel laughed. “Shetrustsyou, Sarah. She knows that she can act out in the worst way without risking the loss of your affection.
Sarah faltered in her steps at that assertion and both women came to a stop on the path. She stared at Phoebe again and her heart swelled with love for the little girl. “I-I suppose I had not thought of it that way.”
“At some point, of course it will be required to bring her back in line behaviorally,” Isabel said. “But for now, I think your patience and kindness are doing wonders. She adores you.”
Sarah shook her head. “Sometimes she does.”
“No. I was in the nursery with Adam after her fit and she came in to sit with me. You know how she is obsessed with the little ones.”
Sarah nodded.
“Well, she was telling me how much she loves everyone. Ranking those she loves, to be fair.”
Sarah laughed. “Oh dear. That seems unkind.”
“Well, if it helps, the geese seem to hold most her disdain. One chased her, so she loves him least. But do you know who she loves most?”
“Her brother, I’m certain,” Sarah said, unable to hold back her smile as Phoebe released Bibi and raced forward to fall in step beside Kit. Without even looking, he reached for her hand, and she saw the little girl laugh as she snatched it and they began to swing their arms between them.
“It was a tie,” Isabel said softly. “Between Kit and you.”
Tears leapt to Sarah’s eyes. Thanks to her position in the world, she had long ago given up on the idea of being a mother, herself. Despite the short duration of her employment, she had filled some of her maternal desires with her relationship with Phoebe.
“Oh,” she whispered.
Isabel laughed. “She even told me she thought you two should wed, then you would be a ‘real family’.”
Sarah’s tears fled, replaced by a lump that seemed to fill her throat immediately. “Gracious, I hope she doesn’t say that to the duke. He would be scandalized by the idea, given my position and his strong feelings regarding me.”
Isabel tilted her head. “Perhaps at some point he judged you for that day with Meg, but I was watching you two together at the gathering last night and he did not seem upset with you or judgmental.”
“A passing moment, likely brought on by grief,” Sarah said with a sigh. “Which apparently everyone in that room was watching and judging themselves. And why not? I’m a servant.”
“You are not,” Isabel said sharply.
The tears Sarah had felt when she thought of her connection to Phoebe returned, but this time they were focused on the loss of her connection to her old life. One she clearly had to address before it spiraled out of control. “Oh, Isabel, I do appreciate your kindness and the fact that you don’t treat me as if anything has changed. But the fact is that it has.”
Isabel shook her head, but Sarah didn’t allow her to interrupt. “Yes, it has,” she insisted. “My place is far below yours and it will be for the rest of my life. The best thing I can do for myself is to remember that fact. Accept it. And do my best to keep this job so I don’t require interference on my behalf again.”
“Sarah,” Isabel whispered.
“I will always love you very much,” Sarah continued. “And I will always remember you as my very best, most devoted friend. But right now I must go to Phoebe and put all my attentions on her. Enjoy your new friends and your lovely new life that I am so happy you get to lead.”
