“Such as?” Graham pressed after a pause that felt like it stretched for an eternity.
“She said she saw sadness in me,” James whispered, trying not to react to that claim once again and failing, just as when she’d said it and it had felt like she’d slipped her soft hand around his heart and squeezed.
Graham’s lips parted. “I see.”
“It is…entirely disconcerting.” His voice sounded choked and his throat was tight.
“Of course it would be, to be exposed in such a way by a woman who you’ve really only begun to know in the past few weeks.”
James nodded, but in truth he didn’t feel like that. Sometimes it felt as though he’d known Emma a lifetime.
“I don’t want her to see,” he said, more to himself than to Graham.
Graham let out a sigh. “But what she says is true, isn’t it?”
James shut his eyes, not wanting to look at his best friend. “Of course not,” he lied. “I’m the life of every party, you know that better than most.”
“Oh yes,” Graham said. “You dance and you laugh, you take risks and you seduce the ladies. You are, on the surface, every joyful and carefree thing in the world. But I know you.”
“Yes, you do,” James admitted, looking at him at last. “Most people only see me at my best, but you and Simon have seen me at my worst.”
“We have. I saw you after your father’s fit when your marks weren’t perfect.”
James flinched. “He hit me so hard, I thought he’d knocked my teeth out.”
“I wanted to kill him,” Graham said, his face growing red with just the memory.
“You would have, if Simon hadn’t held you back,” James said with a shake of his head and the shadow of a smile.
“And I saw a great many other days when the previous Duke of Abernathe treated you like a dog and not his son. I saw you when your father died,” Graham continued.
“You and Simon were there for it all. It’s why I arranged the union with Meg,” James said. “I wanted one of you to be my brother in truth.”
A shadow crossed Graham’s face briefly, but he pushed it aside. “I will always be your brother,” he said softly. “No matter what happens.”
“And I appreciate that,” James said, sliding a hand through his hair. “But it’s different with Emma. As you said, I’ve only known her for less than a month. Having her be so perceptive is…I don’t know.”
“Well, maybe that is worth something, James,” Graham pressed. “Maybe the discomfort is a sign that it is time to be real. To allow someone else to see past the exterior. Maybe this is an opportunity.”
“What are you suggesting?” James asked. “That I make this courtship real, that I consider marrying her, despite all the vows I’ve made to the contrary?”
Graham shrugged. “I always thought your drive to avoid wedlock punished you more than it could ever punish a dead man.”
James considered the comment a moment. Meg had said something similar and he’d dismissed it, but now it was harder. He could truly picture what they each suggested. There was a flash of fantasy through his mind. Of a life that would be possible with Emma. One with pleasure and laughter…but also vulnerability. The more she knew him, the more she would see. It wouldn’t just be hints of sadness then. She would know his anger, his pain, his fear…
He frowned. “No, I don’t think so,” he said.
Graham pressed his lips together in concern. “Well, then you only have two more options. You can abandon your plan completely…”
James shook his head. “No, that would hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her.”
Graham arched a brow, as if that statement proved something on its own. Then he continued, “Your other option is to make tonight a big show. Play out the ruse, give her so much attention that it is clear she is desirable. Once that’s done, let her go to pursue whatever options come out of it.”
James nodded. He knew Graham was right but the knowledge felt…hollow somehow. He pictured Emma finding someone else to love, to marry, to share all her passion that was just under the surface and he felt…empty.
But then, he’d alwaysbeenempty in truth, no matter how he pretended otherwise.
“I’ll think about it,” he said.
