She froze and slowly pivoted to look at him once again. There was a smirk on his face. It was an expression she knew far too well from over the years. A look people got when they’d pulled one over on her. Or played some kind of joke.
She stared at him, hands beginning to tremble. “Did you…dowhat you just did because you wanted me or because you wanted to put me off?”
He shifted—it was barely perceptible, but she saw it. “Of course I wanted you,” he said.
She shook her head, keeping her stare trained on him when she wanted nothing more than to turn away. Walk away. Run away.
“You lie,” she whispered. “You didn’t like my questions or my observations. You wanted to stop me so you used my weakness against me. You found a way to distract me that you knew I couldn’t resist. Oh, it was a far kinder way than some others have done in the past, but you were still hiding from me.”
“And what if I was?” he asked, his tone growing cooler as he folded his arms across his broad chest. He was no longer her gentle lover—he was Society’s golden child again, and she was just a wallflower. “It isn’t as ifyourevealed any secrets to me when I asked for them.”
She faltered, for he wasn’t wrong. He’d asked about her father and she’d refused to respond. She’d dug deeper into his past, into his motivations about never marrying, and he had done the same, albeit with far more pleasant results.
“It seems we are both cowards,” she said at last, bowing her head as she backed toward his office door. “Too afraid to give anything for fear it will open us to hurt, to betrayal. We will protect ourselves to a bitter end. And it will be bitter, James. Because we both know that the path we are on will guarantee we end up alone. Even if I find a husband here, even if you one day accept that you must find a wife…we will still be alone.”
He stared at her, gape-mouthed, and she turned away as she clutched at the door handle. Her hands were shaking so hard she could hardly turn it to free herself from this room, this space, from this man, from the things she, herself, had said, that felt so real and so painful.
“Your Grace,” she whispered, and fled from him.
She entered the hallway, her breath coming hard and fast, and stumbled blindly away from him and what they’d just done. Not just physically, but how they had built a wall between them. She’d never expected anything less, but seeing it and feeling it there now stung her in ways she’d never imagined. All she wanted was to go upstairs, lie down and be alone. Away from others, away from James, away from the truth about herself that her accusations about him had revealed.
“Emma?”
She froze at the sound of Meg’s voice floating down the hallway behind her. She drew a deep breath, fighting desperately to keep herself from showing her turmoil on her face, and spun to look at her friend.
“Meg,” she said with false brightness. “I didn’t see you.”
Meg smiled, but there was hesitation in the expression that made Emma’s heart sink. Of course there would be. James had already told her his sister knew of their ruse. Now Meg would confront her about it and there was a strong possibility that Emma would lose a friend.
Her heart hurt with the thought.
“I think we need to talk,” Meg said, slipping up to her and motioning to a parlor door just up the hallway. “And this is the first chance we have to be alone, so will you join me?”
Emma hesitated. That urge to run away was even stronger now. And yet there was nothing to it. She couldn’t run, not really. This kind of disappointment always caught her when she tried. It was better to just let it happen now and be done with it.
“Of course,” Emma managed to say past dry lips.
She followed her friend into the parlor and watched as Meg shut the door behind her. She leaned against the barrier and stared at Emma.
“My brother told me something today,” Meg said.
Emma bowed her head. Part of her appreciated how direct Meg was. There was no pretending with her. No dancing around uncomfortable topics. And yet she wished they could pretend just a little while longer, because somehow Meg had become important to her in the brief time they’d known each other.
“Yes, I know,” Emma said. “He told you about our arrangement. He mentioned your conversation to me on the way to the picnic. And he told me about your disappointment.”
Meg stepped forward. “Iamdisappointed, Emma. Truly.”
Emma shivered. Right now her game with James seemed worse than ever and she longed to escape it. But she had earned this censure and she would have to just face it.
“I understand,” she choked out. “And if you do not want to be my friend—”
Meg caught her breath and reached out, grabbing Emma’s hand. Emma clung to her, like Meg was a life raft on a boiling sea.
“Of course I want to be your friend,” Meg said. “Gracious, my relationship with you was never predicated on your relationship to James. You are my friend regardless of what happens between you or what agreements you two make outside of our friendship.”
Emma nearly buckled with emotion at those words. Tears leapt to her eyes, but for once in this awful day they were tears of relief. She wouldn’t lose Meg in all of this.
“I’m so glad,” Emma whispered.
