“Once again, an understatement,” Stenfax said as he pushed to his feet and strode across the room to the fireplace. He clenched a fist against the mantel and faced her.
“She lied to me. Iknowit was to protect me, to protect Felicity and I realize that the person who suffered most directly for that lie was her. But damn it, Celia, what can I do with that fact? How can I build a future with a person who cannot fully trust me? Who I cannot fully trust?”
Celia stood and there was a world of understanding on her face. “When John and I began courting, you recall he was pretending to be someone else.”
Stenfax nodded. “Yes, of course. But isn’t that different? He was doing that as a duty to his country, it wasn’t of his own choice.”
She moved toward him a long step. “Elise was willing to sacrifice herself to a life of torture with a man who used her as a weapon against someone who had slighted him. Do you really think she didn’t do that out ofduty? Do you really think she would have done it if she felt she had anychoice?”
Stenfax’s hand loosened slightly. He cleared his throat. “Then tell me, Celia, how did you overcome it when the truth came out about Dane? You obviously love him and he loves you. You married him despite his lies at the beginning. Now you are building a new life together.Howdid you manage to do all that?”
Celia reached out and covered his hands with hers gently. “I did it by recognizing that my love for him outweighed everything else. I did it by asking him to tell me everything I needed to know about his past, about his life, about what had led him to what he’d done. When he surrendered all the parts of himself, even the painful ones he had never shared with anyone else, I realized he was willing to put himself in my hands. That he gave me his faith and so I could be free to do the same in return. Now, perhaps that isn’t as important to you, because you already know everything about Elise.”
He frowned. Hedidknow her motives, of course. He didn’t even question them. But did he really knoweverythinghe’d wanted to hear from her? Had hetrulyopened all the doors that were locked between then?
“Stenfax, it is clear, just as it has always been clear, that you love her very much,” Celia said. “And any woman who was willing to do what she did for you certainly loves you. I could see that the moment she stepped out of the carriage on your arm.”
He shut his eyes briefly, for it was like Celia was ripping a protective scab from a long held wound. The words of love had been withheld despite all Lucien and Elise had been through.
“Will that be enough?” he asked. “This great love that couldn’t sustain us in the past?”
Celia smiled at him, a gentle smile and a knowing one. But in this he supposed shewaswiser. Considering what she and Dane had been through, heknewit.
“Oh yes. It will be more than enough, but only if you allow it to be so. Youmustfind what it is that will make you let go of that past. Otherwise you will never be free. And that is just as unfair to Elise as it would have been for you and I to marry when we didn’t care for each other.”
He nodded slowly. “You have given me a great deal to think about, Celia.”
“I’m sure I have. And luckily you have a few days left to do that thinking before you wed.” She stifled a yawn. “And I think I will leave you to begin that thinking, as I am feeling the effects of travel.” She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “You deserve to be happy, Stenfax. And so does she. Don’t be so afraid of surrender that you throw away a wonderful future.”
She patted his hand and then slipped from the room, leaving him to ponder her words. Leaving him to ponder everything he had lost.
And everything he had to gain if he could only overcome the walls between himself and Elise. Walls he had erected, himself.
Chapter Twenty-Two
In the days since her arrival at Lucien’s country estate, Elise had experienced a great many things. She felt like she was home again after a long absence, and yet she also felt like a stranger who was out of place. She felt part of Lucien’s family again, thanks to the kindness of Gray and Felicity and Lady Stenfax. But she also felt entirely alone and isolated because Lucien continued to withdraw.
With a sigh, she pushed through the terrace doors and walked out across the stone parapet. The summer sun was warm around her, but there was a bite of autumn underneath as she walked to the stone edge and set her hands down on the rough surface.
Being here was an odd thing. Even odder still was that less than an hour ago, she had been declared Lucien’s wife.
His wife. That had been her dream for so long, and yet it felt like a hollow victory now thanks to the past that had destroyed their happiness. Their future.
The door behind her opened and she turned to watch Felicity step onto the terrace. Her friend had a wide smile as she said, “There you are, Lady Stenfax.”
Elise flinched. That title didn’t yet sound right, even though it had been the one she’d dreamed of holding since she was a girl and had fallen head over heels in love with her best friend’s brother. A love that had only grown rather than shrunk with the years.
But how could she gleefully embrace her new name when Lucien was inside and that wall between them that was still insurmountable?
She’d hoped coming here would change things between them, but it hadn’t. Stenfax had busied himself with investigation alongside Gray and Dane, while she was wrapped up in wedding preparation. It was as if they were in different orbits now, passing each other, but never allowed to touch.
Felicity slipped an arm around her and squeezed. “It’s going to be all right.”
Elise sent her a side glance. Her friend was putting on a strong face but she knew Felicity’s abject terror was just below the surface. Even as Gray, Stenfax and now John Dane worked together to protect her, Felicity seemed resigned that they might not succeed. That the truth might come out and destroy her.
“I know they’ll defend you against anything that comes,” Elise said as a comfort. “But as for me…well, I don’t know if I believe it.”
“Gray and Stenfax are certainly determined,” Felicity said with a glance over her shoulder. “And Dane is very clever.”
