She thought for a moment before she nodded, almost apologetically, like she wished she could make this not true. He supposed she wished she could, after everything she’d been through to keep this secret at bay.
“It is very possible it exists,” she admitted. “My late husband made attacks onmanypeople during our years together.”
Gray nodded. “Yes, there were always whispers of him and his behavior.”
Elise sighed. “He enjoyed recounting his ‘wins’ as much as he enjoyed orchestrating them. I have little doubt he was capable of keeping such a diary for his own pleasure. A place to gather all his evidence, to review his misdeeds.”
Stenfax bent his head. Well, there it was. A threat against his family unlike any they had ever faced. A fight they might not be able to win.
But even as that tore at him, he looked up at Elise and even more emotions stirred in his chest. So many he could barely name them. His brother and Rosalinde looked numb at the news, Felicity looked numb.
Stenfax was not numb. For the first time in the three years they’d been apart, every part of him was entirely aware, sharp, focused.
“There is obviously a great deal to discuss now,” he said, his voice rough. “So much to discuss and plan and prepare for. But I need a moment alone with Elise.”
She caught her breath at the statement, but didn’t move from her spot across the room.
Slowly Felicity rose and smoothed her skirts. She seemed to have regained some of her composure, for her voice was steady as she said, “Of course.”
Gray and Rosalinde moved toward the door, as well, but when Gray passed Elise, he stopped. They stared at each other for a moment, then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” he murmured. “I don’t know what else to say.”
Elise wiped at tears. “There is nothing else to say.”
He nodded swiftly and then the three of them left the room. Stenfax followed, shutting the door behind them. He turned and leaned against the barrier, staring at Elise as she remained just where she stood, her expression unreadable.
“How could you?” he whispered when he wanted to scream. “How could you not come to me when all this happened?”
She let out a long sigh. “What would you have done had I come to you? What would Gray have done?”
He slammed a hand back against the door and she jumped at the loud sound that did nothing to release the tension in his chest. “We would have confronted that bastard. We would have found a way to stop him without sacrificing you and the future we planned together.”
She slowly shook her head. “Had you confronted him, you wouldn’t have stopped him. He was hell-bent. A confrontation only would have spurred him on. You and Gray merely would have allowed yourself to be consumed in the fire he built.Everyonewe loved would have been destroyed. I knew that fact the very night he came to me, and it was proven to me dozens of times in the years that followed. Ihadto protect you from him and from yourself.”
“By ripping my heart to shreds?” he asked, moving toward her.
He had never allowed her to know how deeply he had been cut by her leaving. She’d seen glimpses, of course, in the time they’d been reunited, but he had tucked a great deal of it away. But now she knew it all, from the horrible hours on the terrace when he’d considered ending his life to the way he still bled for her loss.
She closed her eyes, and he could see an equal version of his pain reflected on her beautiful face.
“I know you love your family,” she whispered. “Had you lost Felicity to the truth coming out, if everything you were fighting to rebuild in terms of reputation and finances was shattered around you, I know it would have hurt you more than my leaving did.”
He caught his breath at the ignorance of that statement. He moved toward her, catching her in his arms and dragging her against him. Her eyes flew open and she stared up at him in surprise.
“When you walked away, it was the defining moment of my life, Elise. Perhaps you didn’t believe that would be true, but I am telling you now that it is. Nothing in this world could have been worse than the moment you were gone. So please don’t pretend that it was a better choice.”
Her lip trembled. “I didn’t know.”
He nodded. “I realize that. But I also realize now that you didn’t trust me.”
“It wasn’t my place to tell Felicity’s secret,” she offered, but her voice was weak.
“Perhaps not. But it was your place to tell me that you were being threatened. That you were being blackmailed. That you were in danger, for it was my place to protect you. But you didn’t. And even when we reconnected, youstilldidn’t trust me. Why?”
She struggled with that answer for a moment, seeking words to explain when he knew full well that there were none. There could never be any.
“How would it have helped once we were together again? You hated me. You had no faith in me and I understood why. If I’d told you earlier, it wouldn’t have changed what I did to you. You might not have even believed me. It certainly would have seemed self-serving. Besides, I…” She turned her face. “I deserved your hatred, Lucien. Ideservedit.”
He let her go, shocked by that answer. He backed up a step. “Are you truly telling me that but for this renewed threat toward my family, you would have kept this secret forever?”
