“I’m too exhausted now to be anything but,” Elise admitted.
Vivien sat back in her seat, and once again Elise knew she was being judged by the courtesan. “I know the story, of course—everyoneknows the story about you two. But I feel like the story isn’t exactly accurate. So help me understand what it is between you and Stenfax before I answer your question.”
Elise set her glass down. “There is nothing between us,” she whispered, trying not to think of the passion of their joining such a short time before. “He hates me, that’s all that’s left now.”
“Hmmm,” Vivien murmured. “Hateisn’t what I saw.”
Elise pursed her lips. Vivien’s words gave her hope and hope was far too dangerous to dare have now. She dropped her gaze. “You are wrong. I threw him over three years ago. As you said, you know that. Everyone knows that. Hehatesme for it, that is the only thing I know for certain.”
Vivien was silent for what felt like an eternity, and then she said, “You threw him over for a higher title and more money.”
Elise slowly nodded. “Yes.”
“And it isn’t more complicated than that?”
Elise jerked her face up and found Vivien watching her very intently. In three years no one had ever asked Elise that question. No one had ever doubted her decision had been based on anything more than simply wanting to be a duchess rather than a countess. Rich rather than financially compromised. No one had ever searched for the truth in the lies she’d been forced to tell.
But the truth was too dangerous to share.
“No,” Elise lied.
“And after tonight, after this thing with Stenfax, do you stillwanta protector?”
That question was utterly loaded. Before Stenfax came into the room, Elise had been trying to find a way to make her choice sufferable. She’d been telling herself she might come to like whatever man took her to his bed. That this would be all right.
Now that dream was dashed. No one would ever be Stenfax. No one would ever come close.
“I must,” she said, her voice cracking. “Nothing changed tonight.”
Vivien arched a brow, her incredulous look telling Elise that she didn’t believe her. Elise didn’t believe herself, so she couldn’t blame the observant courtesan. Still, Vivien didn’t argue with her or press for more. She just nodded.
“I told you I’d help you and I shall,” Vivien said. “Give me a few days and then come back. I’ll have a few gentlemen for you to meet and talk to. Perhaps one of them will catch your eye.”
Relief cascaded over Elise, tempering some of her harder emotion. Slowly she rose to her feet. “Thank you, Vivien. I appreciate your help.”
Vivien murmured her response and walked Elise to the foyer and her waiting carriage. But as Elise got inside the vehicle and was taken back to her home, she knew the things she’d said to Vivien were all lies.
Everythinghad changed tonight. And yet she could expect nothing from Lucien. She would just have to live with these new memories and place them alongside all the others. It was all shecoulddo.
Lucien paced his bedroom, still smelling Elise on his clothing, his skin, his very soul. He was still utterly confused by what had transpired between them tonight.
Seeing her had sparked feelings he’d promised himself he had quashed forever. Touching her…well, that brought out something different entirely.
He knew exactly why Vivien had thought he wanted to meet with Elise. It was because when he’d come to her club in the past, he had always asked for women who looked like his former fiancée. Trying to purge himself of her by taking women who reminded him of her had never worked.
Takingherhadn’t worked either. Instead of cleansing his system of her at last, he now throbbed with renewed desire for her.
Certainly it would help to talk to someone about this subject, but who could he turn to? Gray and Felicity would both react poorly if they knew what he’d done. Felicity had once considered Elise her best friend. When Elise had left him, it had been as much a betrayal of Felicity as himself. And Gray had watched him nearly kill himself over Elise. He had even intervened in Stenfax’s engagement with Celia because he feared what his emotions on this very subject would do.
In short, both his siblings hated Elise.Hehated Elise.
Except it hadn’t felt like hate when he saw her, when he touched her, when he buried himself deep inside of her.
Nor had he felt hate when he saw the flicker of pain in Elise’s eyes when he turned away from her after their joining ended.
No, that feeling had been guilt.
He slammed a hand down on the table near him and growled out, “Shit.”
