“You shouldn’t do this,” he said softly, his tone much gentler than it had been.
She looked at him through the reflection in the mirror rather than facing him. That was too hard in this moment, she didn’t want to give him too much. She already had.
“I understand that you feel that way,” she said.
His eyes narrowed. “But you’ll do it regardless”
She nodded once. “I will. You don’t have a right to tell me what to do, Lucien. Not anymore.”
His jaw stiffened at those words and he straightened even taller. “No,” he growled. “I suppose I don’t. Good luck, Elise.”
She flinched. That was the first time he’d said her name in what felt like forever, and it was said with such anger.
“Goodbye,” she whispered.
He shook his head as he strode to the door and closed it none too gently behind him. When he was gone, she bent forward, gasping for breath as she gripped the table before her.
For years he had avoided seeing her. She knew that was true. She’d heard all about the lengths he went to in order to do just that. She’d never fought it, never tried to subvert him, because she knew in her heart that seeing him was going to be too painful.
Tonight, she realized she was right. Itwastoo painful. She had never stopped loving Lucien, not for one moment. She loved him still, even though all his love for her was long gone, destroyed by a choice he thought she’d made. A choice shehadmade that was worse than anything else she’d ever done in her entire life.
She straightened and looked at herself in the mirror. She could almost see his fingerprints on her skin, almost still feel his breath against her body, his mouth on her mouth. Those sensations would fade, of course, and she would miss them as desperately as she missed him.
“But that is the past,” she said to her reflection, wishing her voice didn’t tremble. “He is gone and all your wishing doesn’t change a thing. You can’t let this steer you from your course. It is still the only way.”
Saying the words out loud to herself helped, at least a little, and she finished fixing her hair before she threw her shoulders back and walked from the room. She didn’t dare take a look back at the settee for fear she would burst into tears. She just walked out with as much pride as she could and made her way back into Vivien’s main hall.
In the hours that had passed since she arrived here, much of the debauchery had ended. There were still couples or groups here and there, drunkenly playing. But most of the couples had either gone to rooms to finish their pleasure or gone home after completing it.
Stenfax was nowhere to be found. Elise sighed, uncertain if she were happy or sad about that fact. She didn’t have to decide, luckily. Her thoughts were interrupted when one of Vivien’s guards approached her.
“Miss Vivien would like to see you before you depart, Your Grace.”
Elise swallowed. Of course Vivien would. The scene she and Stenfax had created tonight would warrant such a request. She wouldn’t be surprised if Vivien would not help her anymore because of it.
And then all would truly be lost. But perhaps that was what she deserved, after all.
She followed the man back to the office where she’d first met with Vivien and found the woman sitting at the large desk. When she rose, Elise was surprised to find that Vivien was no longer dressed in her provocative clothing, but in a plain, pretty gown with a modest neckline. She rose as Elise stepped inside.
“Would you like tea or brandy?” Vivien asked, motioning to both on the sideboard.
“I’m not certain which will calm me more,” Elise admitted.
Vivien’s smile was gentle. “Brandy then.”
She poured it, and she and Elise took the same seats by the fire where they had begun hours before, though it now seemed like days.
“I am sorry about the misunderstanding earlier,” Vivien said when Elise had taken a sip of the brandy and focused on its burn down her throat.
Elise shrugged. “I suppose itwasa wild coincidence that Lucien would show up here the night I did. Does he come often?”
“Once he did, but he hasn’t for a long while. He used to show up here to ask for—” Vivien cut herself off. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I understand his tastes a bit better now after seeing you. Why he was so particular back when he came regularly.”
Elise wrinkled her brow, for she didn’t understand what Vivien was going on about. She certainly didn’t want to hear about Lucien’s conquests. The very idea made her stomach hurt.
“Will you refuse to help me now?” she asked.
Vivien’s eyes widened. “You are direct.”
