He presses his hand to his chest. “I’m—I’m leaving in three days.”
I shake my head as my lungs constrict, preventing air from coming or going. “No, you can’t?—”
Danner wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest—a place I always long to be, even when I shouldn’t be. He’s my home. I can’t compare the feeling to anything else. He lowers his forehead to rest on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says, his words trailing into a raspy sob.
“This isn’t fair,” I whimper, clutching the back of his shirt into my fists.
“Nothing is fair when it comes to war,” he says.
I try to breathe through this new sense of grief, but I can’t find enough air to fill my lungs. “My heart is broken. I’m broken. This hurts too much not to fight. We must fight this. You can’t leave, Danner. We’re supposed to be side-by-side, the best of friends for ever and ever. We made that promise.” I know my words are just words. All our words have only been words. Words spoken by children and teenagers, and now…whatever we are on the brink of adulthood.
“I’ll do whatever I can to get back to you, but if I can’t, please don’t ever think it’s because I didn’t want to.”
His hands slide away, the touch of his fingertips fade as he steps away.
“No,” I whimper. “You can’t leave me without you.”
“Emi, listen to me,” he says, submitting to his distance. He doesn’t understand that I don’t think like many of the Germans. I’m not afraid. I’ll love who I want…if that person allows me. “I want you to work things out with Otto when you’re ready. He’ll take care of you, and give me peace of mind. Will you do that for me?”
“I want to go with you,” I say.
“I want you to come with me too, but you can’t. You must listen. Please, Emi. If you love me, you will settle down with Otto and live the life you deserve. I need to know you’ll do this for me.” He’s suggesting a forever plan. He isn’t planning to return.
The tear-filled-eyes blur his expression, but I know he’s waiting for me to agree. “I love you. I love you more than I could ever love another person.” He’ll return the words, but I don’t need to hear them because I feel it every time he looks at me.
Love is a feeling, not a word.
“So, you’ll do that for me?” he presses.
I’ve been afraid of saying goodbye to him so many times throughout the years, but this time…it’s real. It’s happening, and there’s nothing I can do or say to stop it. The heaviness in my chest is weighing me down, forcing me to fight gravity.
“I must go. Do you want to walk home with me?” he asks. “I don’t want to leave you here like this.”
A cry hitches in my throat as I try to respond. “I’ll be okay here on my own. I can’t go home yet. This all hurts too much.”
Danner takes a step away, then another, and I can feel the distance growing between us like two magnets pulling us from opposing sides. We’re losing each other, even though we never quite had each other.
I gasp for air through another sob, clutching at my chest, wishing the pressure from my hands would release some of the pain. I clench my eyes shut and fall back against the tree, letting the tears flow.
But as I’m about to sink to the floor, the sunlight disappears and a force pins me against the trunk of the tree, strong arms tangling around my waist. The world spins around me in a fog as his lips crash into mine, for the first time in the thirteen years we’ve known each other.
I’ve lost the ability to breathe, think, or be anything but inside this moment. He’s squeezing me so tightly, holding on to me like I’m a crumbling ledge. I feel like we’ve become one person.The pieces of my shattered heart burst inside of me, like a snow globe being shaken with all of someone’s might.
“You will always be mine,” he mutters against my lips. “No matter what. You’re mine. Forever.”
I lock my arms around his neck, desperate for another touch of his lips. I’ve spent too many years imagining this moment, but now I know it’s always been an unrealistic reverie. His hands cup my cheeks, making the tears dry and disappear.
But like every living, breathing thing, we need air. We need to part and go back to our separate paths. There cannot be an us, only me and him.
“This can’t be over…we never got the chance for it to begin,” I utter.
He presses the tip of his nose to mine. “We have this memory to keep.”
“I need more. I need more time, more memories…more of you. Please,” I cry, knowing it isn’t he who has the final say.
“I’d spend forever with you if I could, Emi. But, since we can’t have that, I just want your promise that you’ll be happy, content, and cared for. By Otto.”
I tighten my arms and press up on my toes to rest my cheek on his shoulder. “Danner…”
