“I won’t push you away.”
“Good, because I still need to run an errand with you after this.”
“What errand?”
“You’ll see.”
18
The nearest Walmartis only twenty minutes away, but I rarely shop there. However, Brody is insisting on going for his errand. “I’ve never met a person who can’t go to Walmart by themselves,” I tell him as we pull into the large parking lot.
“I told you, I’m needy.”
He’s not needy. He’s up to something.
The sun has reached its peak today, and it’s the first time I have felt the warmth from the sky since Dad passed away. I’m ready for spring.
“How long have you been—um—dealing with—”
“Bulimia?” There’s no sense in beating around the bush at this point. “Since I was twenty-one.”
Brody nods and continues walking. “Does it make you feel better or …?”
“When I’m not feeling well, mentally, I don’t have an appetite, so when I eat, the feeling of being full comes quickly and makes me nauseous. I can’t deal with the sensation, and I want it to go away. Therefore, I try to be more mindful of how much I eat at once so I can avoid feeling full.”
“Do you snack throughout the day? Maybe it would be easier on your stomach?”
I know he’s trying to help. I wouldn’t expect complete silence after finding out about my issue, but it’s not so easy to explain my reasons behind it. “I don’t think about eating or food like most people. If I do, it’s about dinner, and I think about it when it’s time to eat. I’m just not usually hungry.”
“Makes sense,” he says.
No, it doesn’t.
We walk through the sliding doors of Walmart, greeted by the scent of preserved lunch meats and over-seasoned sub rolls. Which I am not a fan of. The store is relatively empty since it’s mid-day, and Brody knows exactly where he’s heading, which seems to be the back of the store.
“Did you take the day off? Or do you just work when you feel like it?”
“I work when I feel like it,” he says, continuing to walk ahead.
“Liar.”
“We have a flex schedule. I work with my dad, and we smoke barrels and handle the warehouse input and output. It’s not a typical nine-to-five job.”
“I guess that’s not a bad deal.” We turn the corner at the last aisle, heading toward the Television displays. “Okay, I’m stumped. What could you need down here?”
He stops walking and turns around, facing me. “DVDs,” he says.
My confusion is purely because people rarely watch DVDs anymore. I only know one person who still watches them. “Journey, I have a feeling you will say no, but I want to go with you to visit Adam tomorrow. I realize the implications of what happened that night was because of a decision we made, and if I had known sooner, I would be doing what you’re doing. I need to do the right thing.”
My heart feels as though it hasn’t been beating in at least thirty seconds. I’m dumbfounded, listening to his explanation. “I can’t prance in there with you and say: look who I found.”
“No, I will tell him I just found out after running back into you. It’s the truth.”
“What if he feels pain?” I ask Brody.
I don’t know if Adam feels pain. I don’t know if he feels love. I don’t know if he feels anything at all.
“What if he doesn’t?”
