Boots were thudding closer.
"Pick up the pencil, ja?" I scolded her. "Let's go, let's go." I tried to convince myself that my dictating words were for play, but to everyone else, they were real. I wondered if Amelia felt that way, as well.
I took her by the elbow and tugged her down the hallway, nodding at the soldier passing by us. "I love you," I whispered in her ear as I gently flung her out the door.
Soldiers stood around a meeting table in a pea-green painted room, waiting for orders. It was thirteen hundred hours on the dot, but it was another five minutes before the Obergruppenführer1greeted us.
"Heil Hitler," the officer greeted us.
"Heil Hitler," echoed in response.
"Men, everything you hear in this room is to be confidential, ja?"
"Ja, Herr," again, everyone spoke at once.
"One of our commanders has been assassinated by the Czechoslovakian Army in Prague. We need men on the front lines immediately. You are all deploying first thing in the morning. We have trained long and hard, preparing for this situation, and I have faith you will all come out on top. As of now, your guard posts will be manned and covered while you are gone. All questions may be directed to your superior. Otherwise, we will meet at the train tomorrow morning at five. Go on home and get some sleep."
"Heil Hitler," the men roared again on the way out of the meeting room.
My eyes locked with Claude's. He was standing across the room. The look we shared was full of child-like fear. Toy guns and pretend war battles as children is something we will only be able to reminisce of now.
My first thoughts should have been fear of stepping into a combat zone, but I was more afraid of leaving Amelia alone after I pleaded with her not to run away. The new orders felt like the last chapter of a bad book.
Some of the other men were full of excitement. The camaraderie was shockingly high. This war had been nothing but a blood bath, and we were walking directly into the line of fire. What reason was there to be excited? A few of the soldiers were off in the corner, making a mockery of shooting a weapon, sound effects included. Did they not understand? War means life or death. We have been watching the Jewish prisoners lose their battle, and now we might lose ours.
I ran back to my apartment, grabbing the telephone from the entryway table. I dialed home, praying Mama was in the house and would answer.
The call was thankfully connected. "Crane residence," Mama answered.
"Mama," I sighed with relief.
"Charlie, my sohn. Is everything all right?"
"Mama, I'm being deployed to Prague in the morning. There is a battle, and they want me to fight."
"Charlie," Mama said, her voice cracking with fear. "No."
I swept the back of my hand across my forehead, wiping away the sweat. "I don't have a say in the matter, Mama. I don't want to go, believe me."
"Charlie, I can't lose you too," she cried. Mama was crying. She was so strong, always, even when Papa died. The pain was written across her face when I had to leave, but she promised she would be well enough to carry on. "My baby. This is all my fault, Charlie. I should never have agreed to that stupid school. This is all my fault, and now I might lose you too."
My back slid down the wall of the foyer in the apartment until I hit the floor. I ran my fingers through my hair and then rested my hand on my cheek. "Mama, this is not your fault. We are in a war and have no control. You were right to have me trained properly. I might be dead now if not." My words were not true. I wished more than anything that I didn't attend Hitler's school, but if there is anything I had learned over the last several years, it was that we could not change what had already happened.
"No, Charlie. Do not say that. I was wrong, and I was a bad mother for making you go to that terrible school. I see it all so clearly now, sohn. You must never forgive me. Never."
"Mama, enough," I scolded her. "It doesn't matter how I got here. I'm here, and I will fight until I can come home to you."
"I love you my Charlie. You are a good man, and I don't think I had much to do with that, but I am proud of who you are and what you believe."
"I love you, Mama. You had everything to do with me being a good man. You and Papa, both. I know how to love, and that's more important than all else in the world. Take care, Mama."
"Es wird am ende in ordnung sein...It will all be all right in the end, my sohn."
I dropped the receiver and threw my head against the wall. Why did this world have to be such a cold and dark place? It didn't have to be this way. I was not confident that I would make it through this alive. I had so little left to offer.
1Three-Star Senior Squad Leader
Chapter 20
