I did as she asked and entered Papa's room. The sun was rising above the horizon, pouring light in through the room's dark curtains. Papa looked peaceful in the bed, partially covered by a white sheet. Mama sat by his side with a mask secured over her face, as well. She was startled when she turned around, spotting me in the doorway.
Her hand cupped over the mask and her eyes clenched. "My Charlie," she cried, her words muffled and hardly decipherable. "You're here. You're home."
"Mama," I said, reaching my arms out for her. I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point in the last few years, I became at least a foot taller than Mama. I had been surpassing her height since the age of thirteen, but the difference had become dramatic. I was tall like Papa. "Look at you, my sohn."
Mama had aged. Her hair was still pinned up, not a strand out of place. Her eye makeup was perfect without so much as a smudge, and her clothes looked freshly pressed. Always a seamstress. "Papa isn't going to make it, Charlie. He has been asking for his sohn, but I couldn't reach you. I even called the SS headquarters, and they said they would get a message to you, but I was not at home to receive a return call if you tried."
"No one told me, Mama. Claude received a letter from Annika last night. I took the first train home."
Mama looked past me, over to Annika and her eyes welled. "Annika has been amazing, Charlie. She has hardly left your father's side," she said, reaching for Annika's hand. "You are such a good girl."
"Charlie," a groan forms from beside me. "Charlie, my sohn. Is that you?"
The only words that came to mind when I twisted my head to look at Papa were:This is it.
"I came as soon as I heard," I told him, kneeling before him. I took Papa's hand within mine and squeezed. "It's too soon, Papa."
Papa smiled weakly. "Charlie, we all have a time. I have lived an extraordinary life." His life, as far as I had known, had been anything but extraordinary. He spent most of his days slaving in a bakeshop to provide for us. How could that make for a good life? All that work for what? So he could die before the age he could sit down and relax.
"I want more time with you, Papa." My words were as selfish as they sounded out loud, but it was true. I had been away for so long, training for the war, and I had missed being with my family.
"Every second we have is a blessing. Every second is worth remembering. If you add up all those seconds, Charlie, you will have a lifetime of memories to live with."
I tried my best to contain my composure, but my heart was breaking so violently. "I love you, Papa."
"And I love you, Charlie. Listen to me, sohn. After the war is over, find yourself a nice wife and give her the life I tried to give you and your mama. That is my dying wish, ja?"
"Ja, Papa. I will do my best." I was already busy imagining a life I could never have with a woman who shouldn't have wanted to know me. "I hope someday I can give my son or daughter what you have given me. You are the best papa a boy could have. The best."
Papa's lips pressed together, and he closed his eyes. His head shook slightly from side to side. "That's my boy."
Annika placed her hand on my shoulder. I knew it was time to give Papa some space, so I took my seat beside Mama and held her hand throughout the morning.
In Papa's final moments, Mama rested her head on his chest and cried quietly, "es wird am ende in ordnung sein."
It will all be all right in the end.
"You are right, my sweetheart," he said, taking his last breath.
Papa passed away at noon, and we sat by his side for the next six hours, watching and waiting for the angels above to collect his soul.
Losing Papa was one of the many punishments to come.
Chapter 17
1942
Terezín, Czechoslovakia
The train ride back to Terezín was unfathomable. I had never felt such unrelenting pain. Worse than losing Papa was leaving Mama, brokenhearted and alone. My leave was only for a short three days, which meant I had to leave Mama in her fragile state. She promised to be all right, but I knew better. Annika offered to stay with Mama until she would be well enough to be on her own, but I wasn't sure there would come a time when Mama would be okay without Papa.
Despite my sorrow, this train ride couldn't possibly compare to the ones the Jewish men and women were enduring.
The world sped by the train's window—a blur of greenery and morning fog accompanied by the sound of steam whistling from the engine.
As a young boy, I dreamt about riding trains as often as I could, because I wanted to see every corner of the world, learn every language, see every species of flowers, smell the ocean's air, and taste foreign cuisines. There was a world out there waiting to be discovered by a young boy, but now, the world was at war, and I was afraid what I had once wanted to experience was being destroyed little by little every day.
It wasn't until I was older and nearly at the end of my schooling that I was able to ride a train for the first time. It was as great as I hoped it to be. Though, the times following the initial trip were less than desirable. Today, however, had been the worst train ride to date. Every time the cart swayed, my stomach lurched, and I considered what would happen if I became sicker.
