11
Chapter Eleven
REESE
My arms are aroundmy mother's neck. My mother's neck. The warmth, her scent, the softness of her skin—I never thought I'd experience any of this ever again. I had forgotten all of my senses. It's like when Dad died. I took his pillow and I slept on it night after night, inhaling his scent, inhaling all that was left of him until it was gone. The memories always fade just enough to make it impossible to remember exactly what everything felt like or smelled like.
Tears are rushing down my cheeks and my heart is beating tersely against my chest. I can feel it all. I want to smother myself with the sensory overload. I want to drown in it and erase all of what is behind me.
Except what is behind me is Sin, who is staring at the two of us with a confused look on his face. Mom seems scared of him, which leaves me questioning what she knows about him. She must blame him, just like Snatcher blamed me for Sin's outcome. It's not fair for either of us.
"Mom, he's okay. He saved me."
Her head shakes quickly, sureness written across her face. "No. No. No," is all she says. Her voice. I had forgotten the sweetness, the passionate tone in which she enunciates all of her words.
Sin places his hands up in defense and takes a couple steps back. "It's okay. I'll wait outside," he says.
"No, Sin. No. Sit down at the table," I point across the room to the small, oak table we shared so many family dinners at. Standing up, I pull Mom with me as I pull out a chair out for her and for Sin. I sit down on the other side, running my fingers over the worn wood, remembering each scratch and where it had come from. This was one of the only pieces of furniture Mom and I took with us when we moved from Seattle. We couldn't get rid of our family dinner table. The memories, the laughter, the stories, and jokes—too much had happened at this table to throw away such a keepsake. And now here I am, freed from captivity, sitting across from Mom and Sin, who are both staring at me with concern. Both for different reasons, of course.
"Reese," Mom says quietly, reaching across the table and placing her hand over mine. "This is a hallucination. I am not really here. This house and this table, none of it is really here. But you kept me alive in your mind and that is why you can see me, talk to me, assume what I might say and do if I were to see you again. You know I miss you and you know I haven't given up on you. You also know who you should be wary of trusting, but I know your instincts will keep you safe."
"This isn't a hallucination, Reese," Sin says to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from Mom. "This is real. What she's saying isn't true. I wouldn't be seeing all of this, too, if it weren't real."
My chest aches. My stomach aches more. I look back over at Mom. "Did you tell him what our house looked like?" she asks.
"Yes, I told Sin before we came inside," I reply, unsure of what that has to do with anything.
"Sin. What a peculiar name," she says.
"Because you know me as Sinon," he grunts.
"Yes, I do," mom chuckles. "Reese, your mind is weak, as is Sinon's. You can feed into each other's hallucinations. Your mind will believe whatever it is told. It's a powerful weapon you must both be mindful of."
"Sinon?" I question. "Is that really your name?"
"Yes, that is my given name; however, I prefer to go by Sin, as I have for the past several years."
"Wasn't Sinon a Greek god?" I ask. I only ask because I have never heard the name before, outside of my English class when we were learning about the Trojan War.
"Yes," he says, breaking our stare and peering down at his fidgeting fingers. "The betrayer of Greek Gods. That's what I was named after."
"Well, it's just a name. It doesn't mean you need to live up to it," I joke with quiet laughter. Becoming sidetracked from the truth that I don't want to consider, I continue to believe this is all real. I will pretend for as long as I can until I'm proven otherwise. "Mom, is there food? We're both very hungry."
She closes her eyes for a brief second and slowly stands from the table, turning toward the refrigerator. She pulls out two large plates filled with food. She was expecting us…because this isn't real. She places one plate in the microwave and sets the timer. As she prepares the other plate, I look over at Sin, who is now sweating and pale. "Are you okay?"
"No." He swallows hard and places his head down over his folded arms.
"Goodness gracious," Mom cries out. "Your head, Sinon. What in the world happened?"
"The food fight," I explain.
"Oh dear. Oh that is not good."
"Can you help him?" I ask her. "You're a nurse." She leans over the table and places her hand down over my shoulder. "Only you can help him, dear." Mom would never leave someone in pain or hurt. This isn't real. Mom takes the second plate from the microwave and places them down on the table. "The memory of taste will quench your hunger temporarily." I've lost my mind. Isn't that the last phase before there are no more phases? Sin keeps mentioning these damn phases. I can only assume this is it after this.
I shovel in the warm chicken covered in thick brown gravy and fill my mouth with as many roasted potatoes as possible. I don't feel sick from eating too much or too fast as I did earlier with the hawk. I feel as though I could eat for days and never feel full. With much effort, Sin lifts his head and does his best to get some of the food into his mouth, too. His eyes look like they aren't focusing and his cheeks are sagging. I'm scared I'm losing him. "I wish you could help us," I tell Mom, knowing it's no more than words drifting through my own head.
I take gulps of water from the glass Mom has given me. The coolness of the liquid spilling down my throat is soothing, or I guess only the thought of it is soothing. I close my eyes to relish in the comfort. I wish this were real. I wish I were home. I wish this were a nightmare. But as I open my eyes, I remember that my wishes don't come true. Sin and I are lying in the center of an empty dirt area with nothing in view. No hawks chasing us, no house, no food, no Mom. Just us, sitting in the middle of nowhere, waiting to die. I curl my body into Sin's and wrap my arm around him, holding him closely.
