“Scarlett, what the hell?” He’s still laughing, but it’s definitely from nerves. Shit.
I clasp my hands together and crack my knuckles as I pace the room. This is the same way I felt the night Dick gave me my ultimatum. With deep breaths, I try to calm down as a realization hits me in the face.I do this.I do this a lot and haven’t learned my lesson. I’ll never learn. I sit down on the edge of the bed and drop my head into my arms.
“Okay, you’re kind of scaring me a bit,” Austin says, kneeling in front of me. He places his hands on my knees and squeezes for a minute. “Whatever it is, I can handle it, darlin’.”
“Austin, I do things without thinking first. Sometimes it can be fixed, and other times it can’t be. There are times when I’m thankful for the decision I made, but right now, I’m not sure I did a good thing.”
“Okay, listen to me,” he says. “If you want to stay here, you can stay here. I’ll find a job and move up here with you if that’s what you want. If you don’t want to be with me, I can understand that too. I care about you enough that I only want what’s going to give you the freedom to breathe and be the amazing person you are. I’ll go home right now if you tell me to, Scarlett. I’ll miss you like crazy and probably never get over what we’ve shared in the last month, but if that’s what you need, that’s what I’ll give you.”
How is he so confident about everything? How does he keep his composure like this? Why am I such a loose cannon? Why am I so goddamn broken? There’s a chance he’s going to think I’m so bat-shit crazy for doing what I did that he might run on his own. I probably wouldn’t blame him.
“I think there’s something wrong with me,” I tell him.
“No, there isn’t. We are who we are because of the life we’ve lived through. You’re perfect.”
“Stop saying that,” I tell him.
He releases his grip on my knees and stands up, giving me space. “Okay, I’m going to go to the hotel and grab my bag. I’ll get an Uber. Do you want me to stay there for a while?”
I nod my head. “I’m sorry, Austin. I’m sorry you have to see this side of me. I’m sorry.” I try to take more deep breaths, in slowly through my nose, out through my mouth, over and over, but it’s not working.
“Okay, so I’ll come back. Is that okay?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
Austin places his hand on the back of my head and kisses my cheek. “I have my phone if you need anything.”
I nod again, waiting for the door to close behind him.
I pull my phone out and press the button I avoid so often.
“Hello?” Mom answers.
“Mom?”
“Scarlett? Where have you been?”
“I’ve tried to call you, but Dad always answers. Why has he been home so often?”
“He’s in the process of retiring. Are you okay, sweetie?” she asks. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Can you get out of the house?” I ask her.
She thinks for a minute, and I hear a rustling in the receiver. “Yeah, I have about an hour.”
“Meet me at Starbucks on Main?”
“Okay, sweetie.”
I change my clothes as quickly as I can and tie my hair up in a ponytail. I run down the stairs, spotting the looks on Brendan and Kalvin’s faces. I run halfway out the door before I realize it’ll take me an hour to get there if I take the bus. Running back in, I breathlessly ask Kalvin, “Can I borrow your car?”
“Uh, um—”
Without waiting for an answer, I grab Kalvin’s keys off the entry table. “Thank you. I’ll be careful.”
I fly through the streets, praying for a parking spot on the street so I don’t have to walk a mile. After a couple of loops around Main Street, I find a metered spot. Of course, Kalvin has a compartment in his glove box for just quarters, so I take a handful and feed the meter.Thanks again, Kalvin.
I run to the Starbucks and find Mom sitting outside on the bench. I drop down next to her, feeling her frailness as she hugs me. “Is everything okay?” she asks.
